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[Toefl] Compared to when our grandparents were young, life is more comfortable and easier these days


Katthew Kim 6 / 12 6  
Aug 10, 2017   #1

we live more comfortable life today



As many shifts have been going on quickly in many fields nowadays, there has been strong debates whether life is more comfortable or easier these days compared to when our grandparents were young. Some people mention that modern society has several disadvantages such as air pollution, increasing crime, and etc. However, I disagree with this argument because life became better and more convenient these days rather than when grandparents were in childhood.

To begin with, our generation has high accessibility to information, which leads us to gain any kind of information easily. To be specific, with the advent of the internet, most people nowadays can search whatever they wonder. In addition, the process to find the source is really convenient since we can access any information with few clicks on smartphone or PC. On the other hands, our grandparents had only a few sources to get information. There were few opportunities to gain knowledge since those people rely on limited libraries or books. In terms of accessibility to knowledge, our life is much easier and more comfortable than the past.

In addition, there have been innovative devices which replace boring or hard works like laundry, cleaning, or complicated tasks. For instance, we do not spend lots of time washing our cloth since laundry machine serve entire laundry service. Also, a robot for cleaning operates to clean whole house while we are outside of a house. And, no one needs to be under stress to calculate complicated budget planning due to a computer. Those changes are not too far future but realistic in our generation, therefore, we do not have to waste our time doing troublesome works. Instead, we can concentrate on what matters to our life. On the contrary, our grandparent's generation usually spent lots of time doing these chores. Considering benefit we have in a modern era, our life is much more comfortable than the past.

To wrap up, advanced accessibility effectively leads our lives easier to gain information and advents of useful devices reduce unnecessary working time and provide us with a lot comfort. In other words, our generation people are accessible to any kind of information easier than the last generation and gain many benefits from advanced technologies resulting in more comfortable life rather than previous life by reducing boring works. These are the mains reasons why I support the argument that our life is more comfortable and easier these days compared to the time grandparents lived in.

Roman123 2 / 11  
Aug 10, 2017   #2
grammer mistakes:
1.there has been strong debates-->have;
2.life became better and more convenient these days rather than when grandparents were in childhood-->use "than" to place "rather than", because you want to compare right?

3. laundry machine serve-->serves

suggestion:
1.The last sentence in the fourth paragraph, "Considering benefit we have in a modern era, our life is much more comfortable than the past.", I think that you can use words "convenient devises" to replace "benefit", kind of strengthening your points.

2. The second sentence in the last paragraph, I think a little unnecessary. From my perspective, the first sentence plus the last one are enough.
Holt - / 7,529 2001  
Aug 10, 2017   #3
Matthew, first of all, please make sure that you post the essay for review in the correct forum. You posted this in the scholarship section and since it does not belong in this part of the forum, you risk having the admin delete this post and the entire thread along with it. Just as when you take the actual TOEFL test, you will need to follow specific instructions or fail the test. I strongly suggest that you practice that skill here in order to make sure you are capable of following instructions in the proper manner.

As for your essay, I wish you had posted the actual prompt along with your essay. I do not have the time to go searching for the prompt requirements just so I can properly assess and review your essay. That is your job. Without it, you know I cannot guide you with regards to your problem points. Kindly make sure to always post the prompt with the essay each time so that I don't have to waste my time reminding you to do that. Thank you.

Now, for the essay that you wrote. It is informative. It showcases the knowledge that you have regarding the growing up years of our grandparents as opposed to ours. The problem, is that you have spent one whole paragraph only partially discussing the benefits of our life over our grandparents. The proper discussion (if allowed by the original prompt) would have been to first, represent the life of our grandparents in a complete paragraph presentation, then second, present how our lives are much better because of technology in the second paragraph. That way, the concluding discussion would have had a better focus that did not beat around the bush so much in terms of presentation. A direct approach is always best when writing time constraint essays. The more direct your sentences, the more complex they become, the more impressive they are to read. Try to avoid writing so many run-on sentences as you do in this essay. Keep it short but informative. We don't need long and boring. We need short and interesting.


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