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Essay For Toefl: taking risk vs careful planning


jon_snow 8 / 28 5  
Mar 8, 2014   #1
Question: Some people believe that success in life comes from taking risks or chances. Others believe that success results from careful planning. In your opinion, what does success come from? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer

Answer:

Everyone in this world wants to be a successful person. However, success in life is not that easy. Different people prefer to follow different way on their way to success. Some believe that taking risk or chances is the best way to get to their desire goal, however, other think that proper and careful planning is the key to success. In my view, careful planning can lead people to success easily than taking risk or chances, and this is for two reasons.

The main reason is that, we do know what will be out next move if we have a proper plan and this will make us more focus to our job. For example, last year when i started my toefl preparation, I took a full length test at first and realized that i have to improve my writing ability. In this regard, i made a plan and started my work based on that. I planned to write an essay everyday. According to my plan after the writing was finished i shared that essay with one of my friends. As he was good in English, he gave me some important advice to improve my writing. He also checked my essay and gave me good feedback. Based on that feedback, I prepared my next essay. In this way, I became more focus on my silly mistakes and became a better writer in a few months. As you can see, without a proper planning it was never been possible for me to improve my writing.

The another reason is that with proper planning we can predict if something bad is coming and can take necessary steps to protect ourselves for those bad things. For instance, last year garment industry had faced a bad time. As my uncle is in this business and he always plans his business strategy early, he did not face any problem to run his business. As more and more people were engaging themselves in garment industry, he predicted that their will be more competition in near future. He planned his strategy to overcome this problem. He maintained a good relation with his buyers. He provided with best quality goods as they deserved and started making more business relations with more buyers. Therefore, when the actual crisis had arrived he was in a comfortable position because he had a good number of buyers in his hand. This example taught me, careful planning always helps us to realize what is coming and make us prepare for that.

In sum, many people will say that taking risk is better than careful planning, however, i believe, as careful planning gives us the opportunity to plan for our next move and alert us for the upcoming problems, therefore proper and careful planning is better. Those who want to be a successful person in life should take careful plan before implementing any idea.

OP jon_snow 8 / 28 5  
Mar 8, 2014   #2
i am facing some confusion on these sentences. please correct me if those sentences are grammatically wrong.. :)

For example, last year when i started my toefl preparation, I took a full length test at first and realized that i have/had to improve my writing ability.

According to my plan after the writing was finished i shared that essay with one of my friends

In this way, I became more focus/focused on my silly mistakes and became a better writer in a few months

if there is more please let me know :)
hakuyo1112 6 / 9  
Mar 8, 2014   #3
jon_snow
'As he was good in English, he gave me some important advice to improve my writing. He also checked my essay and gave me good feedback' Instead of saying like this, you could say

'As native speaker in English, he gave me some important advice on how to improve my writing as well as checking my essay and giving me good feedback'

You see that instead of short many sentences you can just convey your ideas in one sentence.
'As more and more people were engaging themselves in garment industry, he predicted that their will be more competition in near future'
[ 'As more and more people were engaging themselves in garment industry, he predicted that there will be more competition in near future'

Overall, it sounds good. Good luck!
OP jon_snow 8 / 28 5  
Mar 8, 2014   #4
ohh silly me... :P thanks for your comment :)
dumi 1 / 6,930 1592  
Mar 9, 2014   #5
In my view, careful planning can lead people totowards success more easily than taking risk or chances, and this is for two reasons .

The main reason is that, we dowould not know what will be outour next move if we don't have a proper plan and this will make us more focus to our job.such planning would make us more focused towards achieving our goal.
OP jon_snow 8 / 28 5  
Mar 10, 2014   #6
thanks dumi :)
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,195 459  
Mar 26, 2014   #7
According to my plan

This preposition can be used when saying what people, organizations, and reports have said, not quoted from your words.

when the actual crisis had arrived (a comma) he was in a comfortable position because he had a good number of buyers in his hand

Use a comma to mark off a dependent clause from an independent clause

we do know what will be out next move if we have a proper plan and this will make us more focus to our job.

This sentence is too long. I suggest you use a comma before conjunction joining two main clauses.
As you can see can be replaced with accordingly,

many people will say that taking risk is better than careful planning, however, i believe, as careful planning gives us the opportunity to plan for our next move and alert us for the upcoming problems, therefore proper and careful planning is better

Shorten this. Long sentence gives more work to the reader as he needs to memorize things.

Hope this helps :D


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