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COMPUTERS Vs TEACHERS; What would happen in the future?

bwosti 5 / 11 1  
Mar 16, 2014   #1
Hi Guys, This is my one more attempt for IELTS Task II. Can you please kindly leave comments and suggestions? I appreciate your time for considering me.

There is no doubt in future that technology will take over most of our daily activities. Definitely our life can not go smoothly without being touched in any way of electronic devices in coming days. whatever the system of education, we are so fervour in using computers in our every moment of life specially in education.

Computers is the most important and advanced technology ever invented by human in this century and our education system has always been firmly attached with these electronic devices. Moreever, students of this twenty-first century world are totally dependent on computers. For example, hand-written assignments are replacing with typed work in MS-Word, Search engines like Google, Bing etc are being used as encyclopedia for research works. More specifically, computers are replacing monotonous and repeated work for teachers like checking students work for plagiarism, marking of assignments and exam answers.

On top of above, most of lecture rooms are replaced with automated computer system to check entrance of relevant student, delivering lecture, putting recorded lecture on online system, guiding students on exercising assignments etc. I see two fundamental benefits over this reasoning: firstly, computer delivered education is always accurate and fairer to all level of students. secondly, it can provided more resource to students in real time which is almost impossible by manpower. Hence, I personally suggest that all education system should be amended and intensively use computer devices so as to provide more accurate, real time, broad area of information to students.

Finally, Education without assistance of computer in coming future is impossible and its advantages outweighs its disadvantages and its performance goes on increasing everyday. which in used in proper way helps to understand diverse nature of world by connecting globally through internet.
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Mar 16, 2014   #2
Well, you are not sufficiently introducing your topic to the reader. I am going to copy the structure that dumi suggests for intro and I hope you'd follow that.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Mar 16, 2014   #3
I requested you to follow some forum rules in your other thread and hope you'd pay attention to them when you open new thread. This one too I found in the Graduate forum which is not the appropriate forum (I moved it to Writing Feedback)

You need to improve a lot on your essay structure.

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