IELTS WRITING TASK 2: CONSTRUCTING HIGH-RISE BUILDINGS OR EXPANDING LAND SIZE TO CREATE HOUSES

IELTS WRITING TASK 2:
Some cities create housing areas by providing taller buildings. Others create housing by building houses on a wider area of land.

What solution is better?

Some people believe that higher buildings are constructed as houses for residents in some cities while others are of the opinion that housing should be created by expanding area of land. As far as I am concerned, I am in favor of the former point of view.

In term of building mansions, no one can deny the fact that urban dwellers could afford to possess those buildings because of its low price. This is because the lack of new land for housing is increasing severely to dedicate for other more crucial infrastructures such as hospitals, schools, medical centers and so on. Therefore, land and low building's price are much more expensive than those of high-rise buildings lead to many people choose apartments is their best way. Yet, the drawbacks of erecting taller buildings should not be overlooked. Everybody knows that it would be devalued when people have stayed over 10 years then re-sell for others. Skyscrapers which would be run-down a few decades if it is not innovated and re-constructed. Those who lived in apartments after some dozen years have to accept a loss about price as they sell others.

In the light of spreading area for houses, there is no doubt that these houses are sustainable for people who could be their whole life. Many houses less suffer from natural disasters due to their stronger foundation and less heavy load. On the other hand, building houses by widening area also exerts a negative influence on infrastructure. We have every reason to believe that other huge constructions such as hospitals, schools or shopping malls as well as parks and forests are essential as those constructions. The authorities of cities could save a considerable amount of money to allocate on those facilities as well as building more epidemic research centers when pandemic happens

From what has been discussed above, I would say that I have a preference for building taller ones over expanding area because of its benefits.

Your essay is confusing to read from beginning to end. You never really defend your belief that building houses across more land is the best solution to the housing problem. While I can somehow pick out your reasoning in your paragraphs, the clarity of the discussion is lost in the vernacular translation of your response. Never think in your Austroasiatic language and then translate it to your second language, which is English. That is how you create confusion and lack of clarity in your presentation. Always think in English. Force yourself to think in English and write in English. That way, you are able to increase the clarity of your presentation, even if the sentence is not properly structured.

This is not a comparative essay. You were clearly asked, which solution is better. Since you chose the buildings as the opinion you want to defend, then the 2 reasoning paragraphs need to give believable and justifiable reasons for your opinion. I saw that you tried to do that in your essay. However, the improper sentence structures and improper vocabulary usage really took a toll on your presentation and, eventually, your final score.

You even run off to a non-related topic later on, causing a serious prompt deviation, when you discussed building an epidemic research center for pandemic situations. Never add or include information that will not be supported by the original discussion. It creates additional confusion in the presentation.