Unanswered [18] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Task 1- Consumer's on cell phone, national and international phones in America


HangPhan0202 1 / 1  
May 6, 2021   #1

Spendings on phones in the usa



The line chart illustrates the average spending yearly of the American people for mobile phone, national and international landline phones in the period from 2001 to 2010.

Overall, it is clear that there was a significant increase of the spending on cell phones while national landline phones decrease gradually. It is also noticeable that the figure of international landline phones slightly rose and remained over the period shown.

According to the graph, in 2001, the national landline phone is the most popular communication service in America with average spending $700, compared only $250 and $200 on international landline phone and cell phone services respectively. Over the following 5 years, the annual expenditures of national services fell by around $250. By contrast, the level of yearly sending cell phone services rose by $350 during this same period and was same as the average figure of national phones in 2006, at about $500. Besides that, the average amount of overseas phones fluctuated slightly under $300 at the same time.

From 2006 to 2010, it can be seen that the average yearly expense for mobile phone services took over the national fixed-line phone service and became the most common means of communication. The amount of money of the US people spent on mobile phones grew about $150 per year. Whereas, the number of spending on national landline phones continued to decrease to just above $400 by 2010. As for the figure of international landline phones, the yearly spending was still remaining around $300.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,767 3803  
May 6, 2021   #2
You forgot to upload the image with your essay so my review will be limited. I require the image for comparison purposes with your work. This will be only a basic observation commentary on your work.

The summary overview could have used a better presentation. The information you provided should have been completed over 2 sentences rather than a single extra long presentation. That, is a run-on rather than complex sentence. use a proper mix of simple and complex sentence presentations next time.

The information covers previous years so a past tense thought and data reference should be used. It is incorrect for you to say; " was still remaining ". The proper reference is; "remained at ". Your GRA score will be deducted from each time such incorrect time references are used. Obvious LR errors are also present. I am not sure what you mean to represent when saying " yearly sending services ". The inclusion of the image may have helped me understand what led to this error in your data writing .
OP HangPhan0202 1 / 1  
May 6, 2021   #3
Here is the picture.
Thank you very much for your help!





Home / Writing Feedback / Task 1- Consumer's on cell phone, national and international phones in America