In many countries around the world, life expectancy is increasing. Discuss advantages and drawbacks

effects of longevity

In the present age, in addition to the improvement of the world, there is a sharp increase in the number of elderly people in many developed and developing countries which has had significant impacts on the growth of those countries. In my perspective, population aging has both benefits and drawbacks but the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.

On the one hand, the rise of life expectancy has two major positive consequences. To begin with, it is obviously that older people have more experiences and acquire a larger amount of knowledge than the younger generation. Therefore, they have excellent leadership and are the most reliable person in charge of a country's crucial decisions and missions. Secondly, the appearance of an aging population creates opportunities for businesses to improve and expand by providing services for the elderly such as nursing homes, healthcare services. Thus, it leads to an important economic growth.

On the other hand, there are several dangers associated with the increased number of elderly people and here are three remarkable drawbacks. Firstly, the population aging influences terribly on the labor productivity of certain companies. For example, because the elderly have health limitations, they cannot work at high intensity to speed up the product manufacturing process. Hence, the revenues of such firms will fall, and the country's development would be slowed. Moreover, the government is under financial strain because of social security benefits for the old people, as well as the influence on national security as there are not enough strong youngster to defend the country's border areas and fight the enemy if conflicts occur. Therefore, the explosion of elderly population is not only affects seriously the economy but also the society and security of a country.

In conclusion, while elderly people offer certain economic benefits, they are also those who create unexpected matters for a country's growth. I'm wondering if the governments of each country should come up with solutions to cope with this problem.

The writer has altered the discussion presentation. The original instruction asks for a discussion of the advantage and disadvantage. While this was referenced in the interpretation, the writer mistakenly added another, totally different discussion point not previously provided.The writer decided to add a reference to : the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. Changing and confusing the presentation paragraphs in the process. His format requires 6 paragraph presentations while the original only needs 4 paragraphs.

The writer also has problematic vocabulary usage.There is no reference to "positive consequences". The phrase contractis itself as " consequences" are the result of a "negative" action.

It is difficult to assess if the essay responds to the original promptand how because the writer has created confusing reference points for the discussion. Discussion format alterations always result in failing level essays.

Some use of vocabulary is improperly in my opinion. For example: improvement of the world -> development, i think it is better
many sentences are too complicated and relatively difficult to understand, such as the first sentence.
The thesis is written inappropriately

"Therefore, they have excellent leadership and are ..."

This sentence could have been better if you use relative clause. My suggestion is " the elderly who excel in leadership can be the most reliable...."

Overall the essay is rather good and coherent. Well done!