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IELTS Writing Task 2 - Countries are becoming more and more similar because...

phong3baotap 7 / 19 4  
Mar 16, 2020   #1

similarities between nations

My Essay:
It is a fact that there are increasingly many similarities between nations for the reason that any person can purchase equivalent merchandise from around the globe. This phenomenon, as know as globalization, has been becoming a trend thanks to its practical economic benefits. Nevertheless, almost everything has its price, it's difficult to avoid the potential risk behind it.

It is clear that internationalization facilitates economic and trade cooperation, hence promote competition between industries in all countries. For example, someone can buy cars from every brand such as Toyota, Mercedes, etc. right in their homeland without import tax and don't need to travel to the distant countries of manufacture. Consequently, either domestic or foreign car-makers must incessantly change and improve its design as well as technology in order to enhance competitiveness from which we can get better choices of products with higher quality as well as in affordable price.

Furthermore, it promotes cultural exchange, thus it improves the mental life of people. For instance, everyone can wear any types of fashion style, eat any traditional dishes from other countries right in their fatherland.

In contrast, universalization is not without consequences. It can cause a loss of cultural identity and diversity, in particular the confusion between cultures. To illustrate, there many building in my country draped in a mess of architecture style, such as a hybrid of old and new, western and eastern, etc.

Besides, as we have been experiencing, the difficult-to-control spread of COVID-19 being causing the hundreds of thousands of casualty over the world is to some degree due to globalisation. So, we need to have a measure to ensure epidemiological safety, even applying the closed-door policy for a while if necessary.

Altogether, globalisation has been making life more comfortable than in the past, although there are some issues to resolve. So, I hope this trend will progressively be accepted by everyone soon.

(312 words)

THC1310vn 7 / 19 10  
Mar 16, 2020   #2
You have a wide range of vocab, grammar, and ideas, but there are still some mistakes.

First, don't use "etc" in writing. It is informal language.

And more important, the question asks you to discuss about similarities between countries emerges from "buying the same products". However, you only answer half of the question. You only answer the whole question in the first and second paragraph, then you pay the rest of your essay to discuss about globalization. There is nothing related the term "buy the same products". It means you are almost off-topic due to not fully understanding, especially the paragraphs about mess of architecture and COVID-19. Is it related to buying the same products?

I recommend you to replace your fourth paragraphs with ideas about the local brands struggling in the market and there are not many kind of products to suffice the demands of different classes of people.
Holt [Contributor] - / 8,827 2624  
Mar 16, 2020   #3
The question is not about the risk of globalization. The discussion should have been focused on whether you believe this is a positive or negative development. You did not respond properly to the question. You will have points deducted in the TA section because of that mistake. You changed the discussion so, the response will be deemed to have a response unrelated to the task. Additionally, this is not a comparison essay. This is a "take a stand and defend your position" essay. So your discussion format is also incorrect. More points shall be taken away from your final score due to the wrong response formatting. Basically, you did not respond to the question at all. So you cannot achieve a 5 band score for this essay. The most you will receive is a 1. All because you failed to represent the proper response to the question: Do you think this is a positive or negative development? You were expected to choose one of the two responses and discussed the reasons behind that opinion in the essay. Again, this was never a compare and contrast essay. It was a direct opinion response essay.
OP phong3baotap 7 / 19 4  
Mar 17, 2020   #4
Thank you very much!

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