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IELTS Writing T2: In some countries, schools are open till late so that children can be looked after

bigbadmonster 1 / -  
Apr 22, 2022   #1
Topic: In some countries, schools are open till late so that children can be looked after when parents are at work.

Discuss the advantages and disadvantages.

Essay: Schools in several nations stay open late so that children can be cared for while their parents are at work. This essay will look at both advantages and disadvantages of the statement.

On the plus side, it is critical for parents to work in order to improve their financial situation, which will benefit their toddlers in the future. There are, however, countless schools care for children while their parents are at work. In almost countries, school hours are from 8 a.m to 4 p.m, but after that, children are left at home with no one to supervise them. Parents, on the other hand, have no concerns about their children when they are at shool and under the supervision of a teacher. Futhermore, students study a variety of exercises and participate in a variety of games, all of which are beneficial to their health and fitness.

On the other hand, there are a slew of negative consequences for children who spend too much time in school. First of all, it is too expensive for parents, and some cannot afford such exorbitant costs. In the long run, having children away from them is inconvenient, and new borns have less time to engage with their parents.

In short, I believed when both parents work and no one is at home to care for the children, the children suffer. About the cost element, parents can see the benefits that apply to them and make specific decision based on the scenario.

Please give me feedbacks and corrections on my essay, thank you.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,856 4178  
Apr 22, 2022   #2
The prompt restatement is a problem because it contains too much of the original keywords, phrases, and references to be judged as revised or rewritten by the exam taker. By showing that he can only use cut and paste sections for his writing, the writer's TA score will have to be a failing one. He must always restate the topic in his own words, never using any of the original words. Without direct topic references for the advantage and disadvantage, the writer fails to present a clear opinion. A repeated discussion instruction will not receive a score. Only direct topic foundations will receive considerations.

A toddler does not attend school yet. The most they attend is daycare. Which is not the same set- up as a school. This is a wrong synonym usage that will negatively affect the LR and C + C score. The writer needs to build his vocabulary to help him score better in these sections.

The conclusion should be a recap of the overall discussion The writer did not dothat. Instead he offered an unwarranted personal opinion, which will not be scored as it is a prompt alteration. It will result in a reduced score instead.

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