Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

IELTS TASK 2: Medical Treatment; Health is above wealth for inhabitants in this world


Anfalia 40 / 56 23  
Oct 20, 2014   #1
Most developed countries spend a large proportion of their health budgets on expensive medical technology and procedures. This money should be spent instead on health education to keep people well. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Health is above wealth for inhabitants in this world. There are various ways for people to keep their health. Some medical technologies are provided to cure diseases. While some arguments believe that a large proportion of their health budget should be spent on medical technology and procedures, others argue that the expenditure of the budget is better for health education to keep societies away from diseases' attack. I strongly have personal argument that the merits of spending money for medical technology and procedures outweighs for health education. This further information will be explained clearly in the following essay.

Health education is the solid common aspect in a whole of society. The developed countries provide amount of money for health education in order to keep societies well. While many people are clever in health education, they can be more selective to keep their body because they know the cause and effect of ignoring health to the body. The more people in country are health, the more marvelous job will they create. An obvious example can be taken from this case is, when a person have job than he is getting sick, he cannot do the best of their job, it gains impact for country's income moreover when his job as government's official.

Conversely, some arguments state that plenty of money from developed country should be spent for medical technologies and procedures. Some merits can be taken in selecting this option; firstly, medical technology is very important to cure diseases faster, patients should not travel to abroad to get treatment of their diseases. For instance, when a patient gets disease than some doctors could not do anything for them because the limitation of technology to cure its disease, they will be recommended having treatment in other countries. However, when they have sophisticated technology, they will not allow having treatment in overseas. Secondly, more medical technologies will gain benefits for a country because when other countries' patient can be brought to get a special treatment in a country which has a good medical technology and the profit for country will rise.

The aforementioned examines that people suffering some diseases could be cured soon. When the countries do not have the special medical technology, they will rely on other countries and it will spend much money. I strongly argue that a developed country should have some medical technologies in order to the treatment process will be efficient and a country will be known-well by others because have the excellent technologies.
maritsanur 5 / 8 2  
Oct 20, 2014   #2
medical technology and procedures

medical technologies and procedures.
I think it should be parallel, shouldn't it?
maritsanur 5 / 8 2  
Oct 20, 2014   #3
a country will be known-well by others because have the excellent technologies.

a country will be well-known by others because it has the excellent technologies
bteng011284 2 / 6 1  
Oct 20, 2014   #4
Health education is the solid common aspect in a whole of society

- i think your topic sentence in your first paragraph is short and limited.
- common aspect of what?
- you need to add linking or connecting word in between sentence like moreover, however


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Medical Treatment; Health is above wealth for inhabitants in this world