In some country, owning a house rather than renting one is very important for people.
Why this may be the case?
Do you think this is a negative or positive situation?
Nowadays, people reckon that an adult person should have a home for on their own and that is a pivotal thing in their life. There are some factors to people think which have a considerable effect in their thoughts .
From my perspective, The advantages of possessing an apartment for people are rather significant . Firstly, in Asian culture nations, One of the decisive element of getting married of a man is have a home for theirselves to start up a home .if they have not, it is hard to persuade parent's their wife-future to accept their marriage ,but some people argue that it is not necessary house , it may be true for some others. However , I still believe that owning a flat for a man is easier for them to settle in a new life. Secondly , the day-by-day expenses of living in the big cities as well as rural areas is ridiculously expensive . If an individual get the expenses of paying money to landlord , even it can be a half of their salary. A lack of money can lead to enormous problems in their life. For instance, because of food in the end of months or expense for electricity , they can get into debt as a result.
Nonetheless , there are also the benefits for hiring a accommodation. The renter can move in to anywhere they desire to live or have a trip business in foreign suddenly for a year or more. They will be free to go aboard and work without any ties or hesitation.
In sump up, admittedly, some may struggle to have a apartment for the demand of society and theirselves , having said that. This is no deniable that living in the accommodation can give freedom for them. In my view, this is a positive argument.
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You did not completely represent the original prompt in the presentation. Your response is wrong when compared to the actual discussion presentation instruction. To compare:
OT: In some country, owning a house rather than renting one is very important for people.
YT: people reckon that an adult person should have a home for on their own and that is a pivotal thing in their life.
What happened to the representing sentence for the people who rent?
DT: Why this may be the case? Do you think this is a negative or positive situation.?
YR: There are some factors to people think which have a considerable effect in their thoughts .
You did not respond correctly to either question. Therefore, the TA score will be on the failing scale. Your response is not in accordance with the questions provided or expected discussion format in the prompt paraphrase section.
Your sudden discussion of rentals in the second reasoning paragraph is uneven, incomplete, and under developed. This will result in a failing C&C section in your scoring consideration. There needs to be a continuous representation of the rental aspect from the beginning (paraphrase) going into the discussion (reasoning paragraph 2). Failure to do that results in an under developed discussion overall.
You have several severe problems in spelling, grammar, along with C&C errors. Based on the overall problems you have presented, you cannot achieve a passing score with this type of presentation. You need to make sure that you cover all of the discussion points as provided next time. Ensure a proper and even discussion development in your reasoning paragraphs as well so that you can gain a better scoring consideration in those sections.
You cannot place your point of view (positive argument) at the end of the essay. That should always be a part of the prompt paraphrase. The concluding paragraph merely summarizes the previous discussion points. The topic, your reasons or comparative discussion, and then finally, a repeat of your opinion. The opinion needs to be previously provided so that it can be included in the summary presentation. Otherwise, you end the essay with an open, rather than concluded topic. Which will result in points deductions in the final score.