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IELTS TASK 2: Whether crime prevention should be done or not.


ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Apr 4, 2016   #1
Many people are too scared to leave their home because of a fear of crime.
Some people think that more should be done to prevent crime, whereas others feel that nothing can be done.

What are your views?


Crime is developing rapidly these days. It causes many folk are too frightened to leave their house due to the fact that they are terrified of crime. This triggers the society to think that more actions should be done to impede misdeed, while some other individuals believe that they can do nothing regarding to this issue. Therefore, I would argue that crime prevention is fruitful in reducing the rate of crime.

With regards to the people who think that nothing can be done, they basically believe that averting crime is pointless. It is because people still have tendency to commit a crime. For instance, it is usually the folk who think that their financial condition is lower than others. As a consequence, crime still exists and happens. This leads to a conclusion that impeding a crime is the vain acts.

However, concerning to other individuals who believe that more prevention should be implemented to avert crime, they generally think that this is because the current impediment is not adequate to decrease the crime rate. Thus, they believe that the action such as adding more police in the streets yields profound effect in declining the crime levels. As a result, illegal acts will be drained. Thus, more aversion proved to be effective in lowering the average crime rate.

In conclusion, the cause of many inhabitants are terrified to go outside of their home is because of crime. It influences the people's thought in which they believe that more prevention are necessary to be done to avert crime rate, while some folk believe that they only do fruitless action in eradicating the crime. Henceforth, I firmly believe that averting the crime can lead to a reduction in the levels of crime. In addition, I recommend that the official should confer more preventive acts in the future.
angga93 42 / 74 20  
Apr 4, 2016   #2
I have read your essay and I notice that your lexical resource is impressive. Here is my opinion for your first body paragraph.

It causes many folk are too frightened | double verb

With regards to the people who think that nothing can be done , they basically believe that averting crime is pointless. | i think it will be better if you straightforward mention the main idea. in this sentence, "nothing can be done" raise a question "can be done for what?" as it is located in the beginning of paragraph.

It is because people still have tendency to commit a crime. | why using still? i do not notice that you mention the condition in the past. before mentioning an example, please make sure that your prior sentence is clear enough by adding a brief explanation.

For instance, it is usually the folk who think that their financial condition is lower than others. | I try to paraphrase this "The thinking of the folk that their financial condition is below average level fuels crime commission"

As a consequence, crime still exists and happens. | you already mention similar information before, I think it is unnecessary

You use too much connector mister, those device is helpful to produce a better cohesive & coherence. However, using too much of it makes your writing sounds not natural which can decrease your score.
La Baso 15 / 22  
Apr 4, 2016   #3
It causes many folk that/which are too frightened to leave

However, concerning to other individuals who ...===== you have mentioned in your intro, better if you change/find similar like others or other societies, etc. it is better if you have many varieties of it :)

keep writing. thanks :)


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