hi everyone...
this is my IELTS essay and I really want to improve my writing skill
please help me to check the logic, structure and gramma...
I will very appreciately
subtitle--some people think that criminals should be given longer terms in prison , so as to reduce the crime rate . To extent do you agree or disagree
Now days , the crime happened around our environment more frequently, therefore we do not feel as safe as before, and even our mind have vision the violent occurred to us . As a result , people suggests extent the longer prison's term in order to decline the crime rate by the person who scare to do the bad thing . Perhaps it is helpful to resist some problems, but in my opinion that might not the best solution prevented the crime happening.
Firstly, the severe charge may causes some criminals who have extraordinary character desire to obey rules, such as the creation of the greatest crime's history or record. So it is possible push these people to choose the huger vice committing it then the smaller one, because it provides them more excited. According to this situation, when the law is more serious, the result is not only put the crime rate fall down, but also let the crueler crime happened, maybe.
Furthermore, the criminals also contain young person who do not actually know doing something wrong combined grave consequence. Some of them, might learned the less education, the poor law knowledge or grew up in the complex background making friends who maybe had been in the prison. In the case, the law strictly will be in terms of the human right issue that it depends on the judge how to distinguish.
Overall, better communication in families and schools about doing the right thing and dealing with problems without resorting to crime, would be most helpful. It is also important to educate the criminals before they leave the prison. This is probably the right way cause a decline in the crime rate.
this is my IELTS essay and I really want to improve my writing skill
please help me to check the logic, structure and gramma...
I will very appreciately
subtitle--some people think that criminals should be given longer terms in prison , so as to reduce the crime rate . To extent do you agree or disagree
Now days , the crime happened around our environment more frequently, therefore we do not feel as safe as before, and even our mind have vision the violent occurred to us . As a result , people suggests extent the longer prison's term in order to decline the crime rate by the person who scare to do the bad thing . Perhaps it is helpful to resist some problems, but in my opinion that might not the best solution prevented the crime happening.
Firstly, the severe charge may causes some criminals who have extraordinary character desire to obey rules, such as the creation of the greatest crime's history or record. So it is possible push these people to choose the huger vice committing it then the smaller one, because it provides them more excited. According to this situation, when the law is more serious, the result is not only put the crime rate fall down, but also let the crueler crime happened, maybe.
Furthermore, the criminals also contain young person who do not actually know doing something wrong combined grave consequence. Some of them, might learned the less education, the poor law knowledge or grew up in the complex background making friends who maybe had been in the prison. In the case, the law strictly will be in terms of the human right issue that it depends on the judge how to distinguish.
Overall, better communication in families and schools about doing the right thing and dealing with problems without resorting to crime, would be most helpful. It is also important to educate the criminals before they leave the prison. This is probably the right way cause a decline in the crime rate.
