Unanswered [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 2


IELTS Writing Task 1: Essay about the cycling process of used bottles



lehienhien 1 / -  
Dec 25, 2020   #1

The diagram shows the recycling process of used bottles.


Please help me check this essay, I really need your help T-T. Thank you a lot!

The illustration demonstrates the method of how the unused bottles are recycled.

Overall, it is obvious that as is revealed from the diagram, the process involves three separate stages, beginning with the accumulation of wasted bottles and finishing with the delivery of renewing products to the consumers through supermarkets.

The process begins with getting useless bottles together at the collection point and then they are transferred by trucks to take the next step of cycling. Before being classified according to color namely clear, green and brown, they are washed under high pressurized water which takes account for making them clean.

At the following stages, the transportation of those bottles to the recycling plant is taken place. Subsequently, they are heated in the furnace at a high temperature, causing them to become liquefied glass. Following that, there is a merger between the recycled liquid glass and other fresh liquid glass, which are formed in the mold. In the end, the new bottles are fulfilled with the package step and the whole recycling bottle process finalizes before they are distributed to supermarkets.


  • 303602_1_o.jpg


Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15461  
Dec 26, 2020   #2
Specificity when describing the image will help with your Task score as the reference to the image allows you to show a better and comprehensive understanding of the English language. A more detailed image description shall help to increase your LR score as well. While you described the image as simply an "illustration", using a more complex description such as "procedural illustration" accomplishes 2 things:

- It helps to show an advanced English vocabulary
- It gives an accurately detailed description of the image provided in a manner that is not close in any way, to the original prompt description

Your trending statement and first procedure paragraph are composed mostly of long sentences that try to combine more than 1 discussion point in the presentation. Split these up into proper simple and complex sentence to help improve your GRA score. Use a balanced mix of 3-5 sentences in the paragraphs to offer yourself a better chance at clearly explaining the image and, increasing your C&C score. These will be supported by a higher TA score in the process.

Since there are steps being depicted in the image, you should use alternative words for "steps" in the paragraphs to differentiate and lead the reader through the first to last production process. Words such as action, mode, or set-up would have been excellent alternative word descriptors for "steps". Using varied vocabulary for the same word will always help improve your LR score as you manage to prove your actual English word familiarity level in relation to proper word meaning usage (beginner, intermediate, advanced).


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1: Essay about the cycling process of used bottles
ⓘ Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms for professional help:

Best Writing Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳