Unanswered [17] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 11

Dangerous sports and activities - for fun, money, or for nothing


sugarzhi 3 / 15  
Aug 3, 2009   #1
Why do you think some people are attracted to dangerous sports or other dangerous activities?

It is not a difficult thing to find something so-called dangerous activities like parachuting to do or at least you have ever heard about someone you know or not who engaged in such activities. More than likely, you are just one of them. It seems that the more dangerous the activities are, the more fascinating they are, and the more enjoyable people feel. The reason for such seemingly curious phenomenon may fall into these three categories.

One of the explanations that seem unbelievable is the fact that people earn money by taking part in the activities, which is full of hazard; if possible, it would even be deadly. When search TV channels, one kind of games seems to receive a high audience-rate, and it never failed to appeal several dozens of contestants to join in. For example, the freaky rule of one game says like this, he who can eat as more peppers as possible in a finite time would win the first prize, which is a cheque of $500,000. Though the rule seems ridiculous, besides, it is hard to imagine a man can eat so many peppers at a time, which could bring some serious bad effect to their health, just for money, it really occur. This case is not rare; similarly, far stranger games could be found everywhere and take place every minute. That is just one of the reasons; namely, by involve themselves in such dangerous activities in exchange of money.

Another popular motive is dangerous itself. As one of the dangerous activity lovers said, it I nothing else, it is just the dangerous itself that makes it so fascinating to me. You may say that would cost your life, but what I want to tell you is it is worthy.

A third cause that is most meaningless is the people's nescience. For example, people climb cliff without using the protective device, while others swim into the dangerous area totally regardless of the safe note. They see themselves as a "superman". How sad!

Surely, there are other motivations involved with participation in dangerous activity, but these are three of the most popular ones. In summary, people take in it for money, for fun, or for nothing.
EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Aug 3, 2009   #2
It seems that the more dangerous the activities are, the more fascinating they are, and the more enjoyment people feel.

One of theexplanation that seems unbelievable is the fact that people earn money by taking part in the hazardous and even potentially deadly activities.which is full of hazard; if possible, it would even be deadly
OP sugarzhi 3 / 15  
Aug 3, 2009   #3
thanks so much for your quick reply.Simone
what do you think about this essay as a whole? How's the organization and the choice of words and phrase.
how many scores I coule get,lol?
I really appreciate your comments.

PS: I have another problem, this 370 words essay cost me 25 minutes to type.err...let me die...
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Aug 4, 2009   #4
"Another popular motive is the thrill involved in doing something dangerous. " The motive is not dangerous, it is danger itself, though in this case I think you mean the thrill associated with it.
OP sugarzhi 3 / 15  
Aug 4, 2009   #5
yes you are right. dear sean.That is just what I want to say. Thank you.
How about other part of this passage?
EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Aug 5, 2009   #6
nescience

Wow. Don't see that word too often!

Another popular motive is danger itself.

what do you think about this essay as a whole? How's the organization and the choice of words and phrase.

Organization is OK, though could be stronger. Arguments are fine. But, since this is the TOEFL, what you really want to work on is grammar. Your vocabulary is very good but your sentence structures are not always correct.
OP sugarzhi 3 / 15  
Aug 5, 2009   #7
thank you so much, dear Simone
yes i know my grammar is poor, do you have any advice for me?
i really appreciate it.
Good luck!
EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Aug 5, 2009   #8
Pay careful attention to verb forms. Write as simply as possible in order to cut down on the probability of errors creeping into longer and more complex sentences.
OP sugarzhi 3 / 15  
Aug 5, 2009   #9
got it!
I will surely be more careful regarding that.
And I really like your site, it makes me feel at home.
PS: I am now in CHina. The time here now is 11:30am.^^
orlando 13 / 94  
Aug 6, 2009   #10
sugarzhi:
nescience
Wow. Don't see that word too often!

I sometimes use this word instead of 'ignorance' and I was told that sounds weird : ) Ay difference between those two words ?
EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Aug 6, 2009   #11
It's not so much that it sounds weird as that nobody knows it. This is a dictionary word that is rarely used in conversation and would not be recognized by most people. So, it ought only be used in academic writing.


Home / Writing Feedback / Dangerous sports and activities - for fun, money, or for nothing