Data regarding water usage in six middle-east countries with three activities in 2000

The table compares the data about water usage in six middle-east countries with three activities in 2000 and is measured in percentage. It is noticeable that agriculture was dominated in four nations, while the highest proportion for domestic only in two countries, but water use for industrial activity was low in all countries.

With regard to the use of water for agriculture, both Oman and Saudi Arabia dominated the proportion with the over 80%, compared to Qatar and UAE at more than three-fifths. On the other hand, Bahrain use water for this activity almost two-fifths and small proportion is seen in Kuwait at almost 20%.

Water usage for domestic necessity was dominated by Bahrain and Kuwait, although Kuwait higher than Bahrain. Then it approximately 40% for Qatar and UAE, while below a fifth was seen in Oman and Saudi Arabia. In contrast, the usage of water for industrial activity is low and take place all Gulf Countries with average under 10%.

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  Water Use in Gulf Countries 2000
  

The table compares the data about (regarding ) water usage in six ...
... highest proportion for domestic was only in two countries, but water useusage for industrial activity ...

... dominated the proportion with the over 80%, compared to Qatar and ...
On the other hand, Bahrain use water use for this activity (...) small proportion is was seen in Kuwait at almost 20%.
... water for industrial activity iswas low and take place all ...

while (just use compassion word for example: but/however) the highest proportion (...) in two countries, butas a result water (that is used) for industrial activity was ...

It is to long. If you want to ride a sentence just use (.) and (,) it can make the reader more understand to catch up the meaning :)

Hi, the following are several takes on your essay:

- It is noticeable that agriculture was dominateddominant in four nations,..
- On the other hand, Bahrain usethe use of water in Bahrain, for this activity , is almost two-fifths and ...

Riandi, actually, the simplicity of how you transfer the data into an essay is good; all of the sentences are effective and accurate based on the chart. However, You must bear in mind that being overly simple has a major contribution toward your essay. In the second paragraph, you only wrote two paragraphs instead of three. A decent essay must contain at least three sentences so you can modify the above essay and let us know if you already revise it later.

In addition, the way of how you use wide ranges of diction is one of the best things I found in your essay. However, you may replace several words, for example: "dominant", with its synonym.

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