These days many families move abroad for work.

pursuing money away from loved ones

These days many families move abroad for work. Some people believe that this benefits the children in these families. Others believe that it makes their lives more difficult.Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Every family tends to live a quality life and earn more money. To achieve this, they move outside to foreign nations. While some individuals think that this trend is in the favor of children of these families, rest of the people opine that this create more difficulties in their lives.In my opinion, it is a sensible decision to move out of the country to find better carrer opportunities.

On the one side of argument, it is becoming essential to move abroad for a good compensation and better future for the children. An individual can provide all necessary amenities to his child only if he earns well. For example,financially well parents can provide high standard education to their children. Moreover, it also has been oberserved that children which are born in poor family often induldge in bad habbits which subsequently impact their future. Therefore, it seems right decision for families to settle down abroad for their children's better life

On the flip side, there are several reasons due to which lives of family members become more challenging when they settle abroad. Major difficulty they ecounter is cultural gap. Sometimes, people do not find the cooperative environment in their workplace because native countrymen speak in their own language which is difficult to understand by foreign employee. In addition, environmental conditions also create problem for new families. For instance, during harsh whether conditions people fall sick when they move into other country.

In a nutshell, doing a work in new country or settling down there enhance the living standard of family. People also face certain difficulties while they encouter new culture but these problems get vanish as the time pass. Overall, decision to move abroad for an employment proves benefitial for families.

First paragraph - career instead carrer

Second paragraph - when you're writing it also has been observed that children which ..., mention the source here. Not every child belonging to a poor family ends up having bad habits impacting their future. Try to mention a few reports or studies to support your argument.

Third paragraph - elaborate the reasons a little bit more and not just language barriers or environmental hazards.

Fourth paragraph - Your concluding remark seems a little superficial. You need to still work on the opinion part of the answer.

Vivek, you turned this essay into a single point of view discussion when it should have been a 3 point of view essay. Simply using the terms " On the one side" and "On the flip side" does not mean you are discussing 2 PUBLIC points of view. That means you are discussing only your singular point of view. That is why the 5 paragraph opinion essay became a 4 paragraph single point of view discussion.

Why am I so sure that this requires the 3 point of view discussion? Read the prompt. It indicates the following keywords "Some people" and "Others believe" refer to the public point of view. That is why, in the prompt instructions where it says "Discuss both views", you need to refer to the public opinion for 2 paragraphs before referring to your personal point of view. Your personal point of view should be based upon your understanding of the 2 public points of view.

That is why the essay that you wrote will be considered tangential in response and as such, be scored only on the personal opinion discussion, which will not be able to pull up your score to a passing one because of the other sentence structure, vocabulary, and clarity of discussion problems with your essay. In order to have a chance of writing a passing essay, you need to have discussed the other 2 points of view as well from the public point of view.

Your personal opinion should have been referenced in the discussion by starting a stand alone paragraph with the words "In my opinion" or "Based on the public reasons, I believe that..." Ownership of the statements create a clear idea as to who is speaking and what point of view is being presented (public or personal).