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Unrestricted fresh water usage - IELTS task 2

Juicy_Goochie 1 / -  
Mar 3, 2024   #1
Hi everyone, can you please check my IELTS task 2 essay? Thank you so much.

Some think they can use as much fresh water as they want, but others say governments should limit water use because it's not endless. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, the concept of unrestricted water usage has sparked considerable debate. Numerous individuals posit that fresh water should be freely exploited, while others contend that the government ought to manage the finite water use. Personally, I wholeheartedly support the statement of utilizing water unrestrictedly because of various beneficial factors, as I will elaborate on.

On the one hand, the proponents of unrestricted fresh water consumption emphasize that it is reasonable for society due to human rights and economic development. Regarding the former, access to clean water is not only the basic demand of human beings, it is also a fundamental human right, as recognized by the United Nation. Moreover, it is central to maintaining health, sanitation, and the ability to sustain life. Therefore, people should have the right to approach fresh water without unreasonable restrictions because it is essential for human survival and well-being. Turning to the second point, water is a crucial factor for the manufacturing economy, particularly for agriculture. Cultivation using fresh water liberally can elevate product quality and ensure individuals' stable incomes, especially during crises such as drought, storms or salinization. Consequently, it promotes economic progress and safeguards national food security.

On the other hand, it is undeniable that governmental intervention in approaching freshwater offers various advantages, especially for water conservation. Indeed, governments play a crucial role in establishing regulatory frameworks such as water quotas, permits, and licensing systems to safeguard water resources for future generations. Nevertheless, despite numerous benefits in governmental intervention, unrestricted water usage is still dominated by its advantages.

In conclusion, I am of the opinion that unrestricted access to fresh water has positive implications. It not only implements basic civil rights, it is also an important factor in economic production and stabilizing people's lives.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,797 4780  
Mar 7, 2024   #2
as I will elaborate on.

There is no need to indicate this part. You already stated that this is your opinion. It is automatically understood that you will be discussing this opinion in the essay.

United Nation

+S for the plural form.

Turning to the second point,

You are over discussing the topic. You need to fully explain only one reason in support of the point of view. Creating too many discussion points creates a longer, but not necessarily well scoring essay. When an idea is under developed or little explained, it causes GRA deductions instead.

Sadly, the main reason this essay will fail is because you used your personal opinion as the concluding statement. That is unacceptable as the concluding section is used only to summarize the previous discussion points. Your personal opinion should be a stand alone 3rd paragraph instead. Due to the lack of a proper concluding summary, the essay will automatically receive a failing score.

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