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Being dependend in the modern world

Anh_65 1 / -  
Apr 21, 2024   #1
Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, public opinion is divided on whether we, as modern citizens, are becoming more or less dependent on others. As far as I am concerned, living in a technologically advanced society, in some way or another, forces us to increasingly depend on each other.

The primary reason why it could be believed that we are having more independence than people in the past is the development of democracy and civil rights. People are now given more freedom to make contributions to building public policies and to make personal decisions. Today's couples, for instance, may freely choose their spouses without receiving approval from their families or relatives. In addition, along with the wide spread of modern lifestyle, people are more likely to place a higher priority on individualism than on collectivism, which means that they tend to be taught to solve their problems by themselves instead of seeking helps from surrounding people.

Nevertheless, I would be in agreement with advocates of the idea that people are developing a deep dependence on each other these days. Firstly, it is the growing complexity of social division of labor that makes individuals more aware of others' important roles in their lives. For example, both parents who have full-time jobs would not pay full attention to their work if there was not the support from babysitters, housekeepers and so on. Secondly, just as ancient squares, social media is viewed as an ideal environment where people can more easily keep in touch and contact with one another than ever before despite geographic and time barriers.

In conclusion, while there are some opposing viewpoints on the issue, I still believe that we are living in a profoundly interdependent world. (282 words)

Please give me a feedback for my writing. Wish you all the best.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,956 4807  
Apr 21, 2024   #2
You cannot jump to your personal opinion without first comparing the 2 public points of view in individual paragraphs. There are actually 2 ways to approaching the discussion of this topic. You can choose from the 3 paragraph approach and the 2 paragraph approach. What is the difference?

The 3 paragraph approach uses 3 stand alone comparisons, namely the 2 public opinions, then your personal opinion. The 2 paragraph approach allows you to give a personal opinion within the same paragraph as the public opinion.Comparing it to your personal opinion is a good move because it shows that you have a better understanding of the public opinion. This allows the reader to have a more educated opinion of your presentation.
Layson Manga 2 / 2  
Apr 22, 2024   #3

Introduce the topic in a neutral tone, that is don't state your opinion first, then allow the next paragraphs to states the two views

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