Hi everyone! I'll take toefl test in about two weeks and I would appreciate if you can give me some advice about my essay.
Thank you for your help!
Topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
In twenty years there will be fewer cars in use than there are today.
In developed countries like America, France and Germany nearly everyone seems to own a car. Private cars are obviously necessary to go to work, to do the weekly shopping and to stay in touch with friends. But we are living in a changing world and I believe that there will be fewer cars in use in twenty years than there are today. My opinion is supported by natural, social and even infrastructural arguments.
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Hello,
My edits and suggestions are below:
In developed countries like America, France(,) and Germany, nearly everyone seems to own a car. Private cars are obviously necessary to go to work, to do the weekly shopping(,) and to stay in touch with friends. But Yet, we are living in a changing world and I believe that there will be fewer cars in use in twenty years( versus ) than there are today. My opinion is supported by natural, social and even infrastructural arguments.
I love your last sentence, you move smoothly into your argument.
As we all know the natural gas and oil resources are limited and exactly these commodities are the main substances of fuel we use in cars. In the next( upcoming) years, the supply of oil and gas will decrease which(will) subsequently leads to an increase of fuel pricing. In twenty years fuel will be so expensive that only very wealthy people are will be able to buy some (it/fuel). (A great point to place here is how much it costs in comparison to the costs from a few years back?)
Another factor which that has an effect of car usage is the factor of status symbols ( it embodies/it carries). Currently Fast expensive cars are used to show your prosperity( You do not need the word currently, you have a present tense word"are" to tell us it is happening now) . But in twenty years, cool or successful people will ( be able to) use a green lifestyle to get social credit. Because of Environmental pollution and the climate change is more will most likely be a relevant topic in the future. More people( Detail who more people are) want to stop pollution and protect the environment. All these people will use public transportation as often as possible which reduces the used cars in the future.
Appealed by schools, universities and jobs even more people will live in cities in twenty years that there live today ( Please reword this sentence it is unclear, what you are trying to explain.) This rise of cities is accompanied by a greater infrastructure system cities have to offer. Even today it is unattractive to use cars in big cities. There are hugh problems to find finding parking spaces and it is really sad to waste alot of time in traffic. In twenty years more people will use public transportation(more) than today which subsequently(will) leads to a decrease of used cars.
Summing up, limited natural resources, the change of status symbols and the increase of city's infrastructure will lead to fewer car usage in twenty years than there is today.
Great essay! You have some great points! I would add some topics or details or stats about your topic to make it stronger. I added some edits for the grammatical and wordiness. You might also want to add a few more sentences to your closing. Good luck!
