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IELTS:In many developing countries, there is a problem with declining quality of air and water...


sinhaprerna1112 1 / -  
Feb 17, 2019   #1
In many developing countries, there is a problem with declining quality of air and water from both industry and construction. What measures could be taken to prevent this?

waste treatment and clean energy sources



A nation's journey from an underdeveloped economy to a developed one requires it to build factories and roads at a rapid pace. It is observed that these industrial and infrastructural developments are taking a toll on the environment of some of the developing countries by depleting it's air and water quality. This essay will point out the problem areas in order to suggest necessary measures to solve them.

When we talk about all the famous and not so famous industrial revolutions that had happened around the world, what is that one feature common to all of them? Of course all of them happened near natural water sources. Because factories need outlets to dispose its wastes, natural water sources, like rivers and seas, have always been conveniently chosen as their carriers. Although it is not feasible to arrange for another source of outlet, least we can do is to deploy an efficient waste treatment plant before merging it to water.

As a fast growing nation has to cater to the burgeoning needs of the power requirements, so it leads to setup of a large number of power plants. Majority of these plants uses the technique of combusting coal to generate electricity. Alas! This process also generates poisonous gases, like Sulphur and Carbon Monoxide, as their by-products rendering to air pollution. An easier way to solve this is by reducing the dependency on fossil fuels and gradually shifting towards clean and renewable sources of energy like wind, solar and hydroelectricity.

One might argue that its easier said than done, but I still believe that implementation of waste treatment mechanisms and gradual shift towards cleaner sources of power can be planned, enacted and regulated. A complete shift might be a herculean task to perform but, undoubtedly this is the way forward for any society to handover a healthy environment to their future generation.

TJLuschen - / 241 203  
Feb 18, 2019   #2
Hi, I think your skill in English is apparent, but I don't think you focused enough on the prompt in your response. You spent too much time discussing the background of environmental problems and not enough directly answering the prompt by giving measures that could be taken. For this response, I would expect two measures each for air pollution and water pollution, but because you gave so much information on the background of these problems, you were only able to give one measure for each.

Here are some other suggestions:

... by depleting [their] air ... {"depleting" means using up, which is not really correct here - maybe "diminishing"} This essay will point out the problem ... {I think you spent too much time pointing out the areas, which is not part of the prompt, and not enough time giving your solutions, which is what the prompt asks}

... Of course all of them [took place] near ... {these two sentences seem to veer too far off topic - "famous and not so famous"? it seems a little too flippant} ... outlets to dispose [of their] wastes,

...natural water sources, like rivers ... {well, as a point of fact, the industrial revolution started near rivers because water power in the form of water wheels driving mills was the first source of power for industrial revolution era factories. You could always just dump your waste on the ground - a river is not really necessary}

..., [the] least we can do

... before merging [pollutants into] water. {the prompt asks only for "measures that could be taken to prevent air and water quality problems" - only this last phrase of your last sentence directly addresses this}

... needs of [its] power ... to [establishing] a large ... [The] Majority of these plants [use] the technique of

... generate electricity. Alas! {this just does not seem to reflect the scholarly tone this essay should have} ..., like Sulphur and Carbon Monoxide, {do not capitalize these, as they are not proper nouns} as their by-products [resulting in] air pollution.

... One might argue that [these proposed solutions are] easier said than done,

... and [a] gradual shift ...

... for any society to [hand over] a healthy ...


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