Kindly check my IELTS essay and give me remarks so that i can improve my writing skills.
The best way to help developing countries is to give them financial aid.
Write an essay either agreeing or disagreeing with this statement. Suggest alternatives to this policy.
In the latest technological domain, the developing countries are not in the same row as that of developed one. So, the advanced nations should help the underdeveloped countries by promoting the education, providing excellent health services and building infrastructures instead of giving money to them.These things will be proved fruitful for them in the future.
Firstly, education is the fundamental key to success for every one. Therefore the foreign government should improve the education system of poor countries by introducing new schools, colleges and universities equipped with modern computer labs. There is another way to improve education. For example, If developed countries offer fully funded scholarships to the students of third world countries. So that, they get the high standard of education and easily serve their home country after the successful completion of their degree. They need to arrange couching classes for teachers in their countries, so teachers deliver the lecture to the students in a more effective manner.
Secondly, most important factor of a society is to live healthy life. As a result, The modern countries should donate latest machines to the poor countries because it diagnosis the problems correctly and then can be treated in a right way.
Thirdly, Infrastructure are showing the economy of a country, thus developed countries should try their level best to construct the companies, so that, the local person can get job easily. The country will use its own resources.
To recapitulate, According to my point of view the rich countries should work their level best to implement the new projects in the developing countries. It would be advantages for the local peoples while the money is not a good source to help them.
Nandy wrote "Secondly, most important factor of a society is to live healthy life. As a result, The modern countries should donate latest machines to the poor countries because it diagnosis the problems correctly and then can be treated in a right way."
I would like to change the sentence : Secondly, most important factor of a society is human's health. The modern countries should donate the latest medical equipments for diagnosis to developing countries. In the result, human of developing countries can be diagnosed correctly and treated in early stages of any diseases.
In the latest technological domain, the developing countries are not in the same row as that of developed one.
Well.... it is hard to understand what you try to mean by this sentence. This is your hook which should take the reader with a punch. So, it needs to be very clear, catchy and relevant to your topic. This sentence certainly needs to be re-phrased to fulfill those requirements of the hook.
This is the structure dumi suggests for the introduction and I believe it is pretty logical and it can help you earn marks.