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Ielts - the development of road access to a City Hospital from 2007 to 2010.

ingridphan 1 / -  
Nov 26, 2018   #1

[Cambridge English IELTS 13 - Test 1]

I am practicing for the IELTS test, please help me check if I made any mistake and suggest me the grammar, the word I should use to get a high score. Thank you.

The pictures illustrate the development of road access to a City Hospital from 2007 to 2010. It is immediately apparent that there are significant alterations in term of amenities and infrastructure during this period.

The City Hospital is still located in the North area and surrounded by Ring Road which was integrated to City Road by means of Hospital Road having three couples of bus stops along the way in 2007. Three years later, the infrastructure experienced a considerable development in form of the road which has developed to be two roundabouts and located on each side of Hospital Road.

Regarding the year 2007, there was a car park addressed to the public and hospital's employees. Subsequently, in 2010, the alteration occurred in the car park that was divided to be two parts, car park for staff and car park for the public, located in two different areas. In addition, not only were all bus stops replaced by bus station placed to the West of Hospital Road but also linked with two roundabouts.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,919 4800  
Nov 27, 2018   #2
Ingrid, the essay is over the minimum 150 word count but under the 4 paragraph requirement for proper scoring. Your paragraphs are also mostly 1 sentence short of the minimum 3 sentence requirement. If you want to fully utilize the scoring potential for each consideration then you must write at least 3 sentences per paragraph, present 4 paragraphs, and ensure that you do not miss out on any important information in the presentation. Grammar-wise you do not have any real problems. The sentences are coherent and mostly cohesive in presentation. So the biggest problem of your essay mostly has to do with the presentation.

For the 4 paragraph essay, I often suggest that, using an image as a basis for the presentation, the student should use the following format:

Par. 1 - Description summary
Par. 2 - Description of original image
Par. 3 - Description of new image
Par. 4 - Merged / changes made in the new image

When you describe the new image in paragraph 3, indicate what new additions were made. The improvements to the existing structure should be made in the last paragraph. By using the above format you will always write about 200 words and have the full 4 paragraph format for maximum scoring impact.

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