The developments of West Park Secondary School, from 1950 when it was erected, to 2010.

Writting test 1 ielts. Maps

The maps illustrate the developments of West Park Secondary School, from 1950 when it was erected to 2010.
It is clear from the maps that the biggest change that happens at the school was that residential areas and farmland were demolished to make way for car park. At the same time, the school building was expanded with the construction of science block.

In 1950, school was built to the south of the main road and to the east of houses area. In 1980, car park, science block and sport field were constructed and replaced all houses and farmland.

From 1980 to 2010, there were huge changes in WPSS. Sport field was relocated to the east and was narrowed, while the place for parking was extended. So, at 2010, car park was the place accounted for about a half of WPSS.

In addition, playground was always located at the northeast corner of WPSS. However, it became smaller because of the construction of sport field.

• 
  Academic_IELTS_Writi.png
  

Na, your summary overview doesn't really appear to be complete. It only has a basic description of the image provided, then a trending statement that follows the previous presentation. You need to indicate the instructions for the essay as well. For example, were you being asked to compare the images in the discussion? Or perhaps you were to present individual descriptions only? Whatever the instruction was, it should have been indicated because that is part of the scoring consideration requirement. Also, the information you provide is incomplete because you said the maps were for the school during the year 1950 to 2010. That is not the case. There are 3 years being compared in the map. 1950, 1080, and 2010. All 3 years should have been signified as part of the presentation process because you did mention the 1980 construction of the area in the body of the essay. If it isn't in the overview, it shouldn't be in the body paragraphs.

So, you have 3 maps which should be presented in yearly descriptions within single paragraphs each. For every paragraph, a comparison discussion should have been presented. You tried to do that unsuccessfully in your essay because you did not use comparison terms in the paragraph to show progression, which would have helped your C&C score. Consider this; you first presented the 1950 description of the area. At the end of that description, a transition signal should have been presented. The transition signal could have been, "By 1980, the original 1950's structures had been modified."

It is your direct to the point descriptions of the area, which shows a lack of GRA skills, which further lowers your score. If you had just tried to write a complete paragraph of at least 3 sentences each, you would have been able to write a more impressive body for scoring consideration. In fact, your stand alone line at the end of the essay should have just been integrated into the earlier paragraph so that your scoring would have had a chance to improve.