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IELTS TASK 1:The diagrams below show the various kinds of water found on the earth...


suxiaojing 13 / 18 7  
Apr 23, 2016   #1
ESSAY: The diagrams below show the various kinds of water found on the earth and how it is used in three different countries.Write a report for a university lecture the information shown below.

The pie charts give the detailed information regarding to the 3 different kinds of water resources and the bar diagram compares the water consumption in 3 independent countries.

As is illustrated from two pie charts, we can see immediately that the majority of water existing on the earth are salt water while, there is only a minimal proportion of earth water is fresh water which is suitable for people to drink. Additionally, the largest proportion of water are out of ice, accounting for almost 75%, followed by underground water(about 30%). The surface of earth can merely be found the least percentage of water(10%).

Moving onto the next diagram, through the comparison of figures of 3 respective countries, Egypt consumes the largest percentage of water on industry, amounting to approximately 85%, that also exceeds the figures of Saudi and Canada which are nearly 40% and 18% respectively. In addition, Saudi applied water mainly into domestic use which makes up 72%, while the data of Egypt and Canada are less than 10%. Finally, in terms of agricultural use, compared with Egypt(20%) and Saudi( only 10%), Canada allocated totally 70% to irrigate arable lands.

To conclude, the resource of fresh water is very limited and the major purposes of water utilization in three countries varies a lot, Egypt is for industry use, Saudi for domestic use and Canada for agriculture.




fatmajanna 5 / 5 3  
Apr 23, 2016   #2
Hi,
I think you still can improve your essay. My suggestion is to use less numbers in the essay. For example instead of saying 50 or 60%, you can use slightly above half of the ....,

a quarter of the ....,
one third of the .....,

I also see some grammatical errors in your writing. But, overall it is good enough. I can give you 6.0 - 6.5 for this essay.
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Apr 24, 2016   #3
Hi Su, below are some additional insights to your analysis.

- The pie charts gives athe detailed
- information regarding to the 3 different

- As is illustrated from twoin the pie charts,
- we can see immediately see that
- water that is existing on
- the earth are salt water while,
- water that is fresh
- water which is more suitable
- water are out offrom ice,
- of the earth can
- merely be found with the least

There you have it Su, this is just the first 2 paragraphs of the analysis to show you the difference of a well revised analysis.
I hope you follow through and continue editing the next succeeding paragraphs in order for you to practice editing yourself.


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