It is important for people to take risks in both their professional lives and their personal lives
Nowadays, people hold many different perspectives about the role of taking risks both in their professional and personal lives. In my opinion, although this has some noticeable drawbacks, I believe that its benefits are still overwhelming the drawbacks.
In the one hand, venturing with risks can contain possibility of failure. People who accept to deal with risky problems may encounter with severe consequences. For example, this risky venture can make a big losses in business, or in another situation, venture in a mountain climb can cause serious injuries. People who do risky choices are more likely to be fail, which could be a huge obstacles in peoples' career path. Because after many failures, people may find desperate to achieve success, and more daunting in life.
But in the other hand, taking risks in lives has a large amount of positive impact. Dealing with much failure can be a benefit. People can gain practical lessons whenever they fall down, so that they could improve their abilities, solve their problems and progress to the achievements. Beside that, forming vital personalities might be another impact of venturing with risks. For instance, people can learn to be patient, or control their sanity when facing with difficulty in order to easily negotiate difficult problems. Those factors play an important role in anybody's success, can promote their career and their life.
In conclusion, despite some disadvantages of taking risks in life, I believe that its positive impact can outweigh its drawbacks.
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The full text is only 245 words. You are going to receive percentage deductions for the missing 5 words. The tasdk 2 essay should never have less than 250 words in the presentation. You should be cognizant of the word count because the deductions in that section could actually lead to a failing score, regardless of the effectiveness of the actual essay presentation. That is what is called a technical failing score. You would have failed just because to failed to meet a writing requirement rather than not having scored well based on the grading rubic. You will need to make sure that does not happen again. The problem occured in this presentation because your summary conclusion did not meet the 2 word or 40 word minimum writing requirement for the paragraph.
An overview should include all data you are going to write at your body, not just simply write although this has some noticeable drawbacks, I believe that its benefits are still overwhelming the drawbacks.
I like your essay, it is engaging and interesting. But you can make conclusion a little bit better.
Thank you for your comments.
1. You should check on your phrases before having them in your essay. (It's "On one hand", not "in the one hand", etc.)
2. You should have the task/tasks right in your post so that we can better understand what you are asked to do and to solve
3. In the introduction, you should include the to-be-discussed opinion before having your thesis statement ("I believe ... "). "People hold many different perspectives" -> What kind of perspectives? Narrow down to 1 specific perspective (given by the task) and then make your position on it clear.
4. In the introduction, answer the Why to your conclusions. You stated your opinion without giving reasons.
Overall, good organization of the essay. I recommend to add 1 sentence of example to explain this point "Those factors play an important role in anybody's success, can promote their career and their life."