TOPIC: It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives
Do you think that the advantages of taking risks outweigh the advantages ?
Whether people should step out of their safe zone and accept new challenges is a controversial topic in today's world. Although there are several disadvantages of taking risks, it may bring some benefits.
On the one hand, people may face some difficulties if they accept the risks both in their personal and professional lives. The primary drawback is that it will be unstable. To be more specific, accepting the risks means that there might be a failure if your plan does not work well. Furthermore, it may be a catastrophic failure, and you might lose all of your previous efforts. When this scene happens, people who suffer can feel depressed or even embarrassed in front of their friends and their families. They might be ashamed of themselves and lose their motivation to take risks. Consequently, they will follow the traditional way in the future at all times, which cannot create any breakthrough.
On the other hand, the process of trying, and preparing for this new adventure can be extremely valuable. Despite sacrificing time and effort, you can learn many useful skills such as personal management skills, and problem-solving skills. Subsequently, you can see these skills in the future as you can learn to form your mistakes. Additionally, life without risk with some people seems to be boring. By accepting new challenges, people can experience other aspects of their life and try the feel of taking risks. They will feel their lives more intriguing and confident. Finally, if their efforts bring them success, there will be their remarkable achievements which will bring them what they wish. For instance, a worker who wants to earn more money will do his own business. If he fails, these will be valuable lessons for him to do next time. If he succeeds, he might become wealthy and can afford whatever he wants.
In conclusion, despite having some drawbacks, taking risks and accepting new challenges have various advantages. It is recommended that people should consider every factor before accepting the risks but they should not be too coward to do it.
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The writer has exaggerated the original topic presentation which has caused a change in the topic foundation. The original presentation indicated an idea or general opinion, the writer's version created a debate. The latter is not the way the discussion was framed by the presentation. Therefore, the prompt restatement is already inaccurate. An additional inaccuracy is the writer's opinion. He does not specify that he is stating his personal opinion. Due to the lack of pronoun usage, the writer indicated a general opinion, rather than a personal thought in the sentence. These mistakes have resulted in the paragraph receiving a failing preliminary assessment score.
Due to the lack of single opinion presentation and, the incorrect discussion format used, this essay cannot receive a passing score. There is no clear single opinion being stated by the writer coming from a personal opinion. Instead, he is trying to convince the reader that both sides of the discussion are correct, which is not the writing instruction for this prompt. He has to choose one opinion and explain why he believes that his opinion is the correct one. Without that convincing aspect, the overall essay has already failed.