We should discuss the balance of the life quality and the powerful tourism

hi everyone
thanks a lot
this essay is for IELTS
please help me to check the gramma and stucture
thanks

International travel is becoming cheaper than before, so more and more countries open their doors. Do the advantages of the increased tourism outweigh the disadvantages?

In the modern generation, with the advanced of technology and the frequency of international business, the travel cost has been more reduce than before. As a result, there are more countries welcome visitors to travel their nation for increasing the income .But tourism might also cause some trouble in messing environment, committed crime, and crowned space. However, I suppose the rising tourism in positive way would bring the amount of benefit and the amazing effect exceed in negative one.

First of all, the stronger economic might built by the visitors whatever the reason is for business and travel. Because the more people from aboard perhaps take extra consumption and trade .For example , around the scenic resort usually have some small craft markets that created by local person who sold the particular souvenir .It is possible the growing tourism might become the one of reasons to put nation turn the rich side.

Furthermore, the tourism would carry into the flashing idea, the innovative skill, and their bright intelligence .It is a powerful stimulates to revolute the social value or the traditional mind in every country .Therefore, some ideas making great invention was created by the interaction of communication.

Above all, it might worth to develop and encourage the travelers coming, even pay more money on the promotion. In the meantime, maybe we should discuss the balance of the life quality and the powerful tourism. Then, our society may get a win-win situation in the industry.

International travel is becoming cheaper, than before, ...

In this modern generation, with the advancement of technology and the frequency of international business trips,thetravel costs have become cheaper.

As a result, there are more countries welcoming visitors to travel to their nations for increasing their income.

But tourism might also cause some trouble in messing up the environment, a higher crime rate, and overcrowding.

First of all, a stronger economy might be built by the visitors whatever the reason is for, business or travel.

Furthermore, the tourism would carry into the flashing idea, the innovative skill, and their bright intelligence .It is a powerful stimulates to revolute the social value or the traditional mind in every country.

This, above, is very confusing.

Above all, it might worth it to develop attractions and accommodations to encourage tourism, even spending more money on the promotion of travel.

In the meantime, maybe we should discuss the balance of the life quality and the power of tourism. This could become a win-win situation for society.

This is a good essay, it just needs some tweaks here and there. What you're saying, is that the good outweighs the bad of increased tourism, and that is clear.

good luck in school.

:)

thanks a lot
may I ask is it the second and third paragraph cofusing or just third paragraph??
by the way...may I post the essay about describibg graph??
is it suitable??
thanks

No, it's good that you have a separate paragraph for each new concept. However, in each paragraph it would be good to elaborate more in each paragraph.

Let's see how it looks after you make those changes. It will be good to keep improving it. You can post it here!

really thanks...I hope I can write this level artical in my IELTS test
by the way,
I try to make it more clearly
is it better??

(original-the third paragraph )

furthermore, the tourism would carry into the flashing idea, the innovative skill, and their bright intelligence .It is a powerful stimulates to revolute the social value or the traditional mind in every country .Therefore, some ideas making great invention was created by the interaction of communication.

(new-the third paragraph)
Furthermore, the tourism would bring the amount variety of country culture, social behavior and commercial affairs. These effect might result in a powerful shock around the society, even become a stimulate producing an incredible idea or a remarkable device .Therefore, tourism may represent the progress of acknowledge is coming and everyone get benefit by the interaction of communication.

Furthermore, the tourism would bring a variety of country culture, social behavior and commercial affairs. These effects might result in a powerful shock around the society, even becoming a stimulusin producing an incredible idea or a remarkable device .Therefore, tourism may represent the progress towards a future that benefits everyone by interaction and communication.

I changed it again, though it was much better the way you wrote it this time! It must be so hard to have to write in a language that is not your first! You're doing great though, keep up the good work!

:)

thanks...this website is really amazing