Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Discuss the possible advantages and disanvantages of making unemployed people take any job.


grintdevereaux30 9 / 6 2  
Aug 13, 2016   #1
This morning, I did my IELTS writing practice for task 2 within 32 minutes, so I am not sure with the grammatical and the task acievements that should be correct. So, kindly check it and give me the correction, I think that will be a bunch of wrong words and sentences.

Some people believe that unemployed people should be made to work for their welfare/benefit payments. Others, however, see this as cheap labour.
Discuss the possible advantages and disanvantages of making unemployed people take any job.
Do you believe that making unemployed people work is a good idea?


Unemployment was one of the problem for many people in a big city. Experts agree that they should take some job for their benefit payments. I would argue that unemployed people are better to take some work in order to add many benefits to their life in many mays, besides to get a job is not easy as people said.

People who take the jobs for their daily life can make their activity to be more productive and effective, due to the schedule that they will take in the company. They can also get more money from their income that will make their life more better and easier. All of their needs can fulfilled from it. What is more is increasing the number of productive employed people in their own country. It can make a good name for its country, due to the proportion of poor people will decrease indirectly. As seen in a developed counties over the world that the number of unemployed people are less than the people who has good occupation, so it makes the country more better by economically.

On the other hand, the way for people to get the job is evidently difficult. Many unemployed people over the world will compete to each other. Whereas the slot of the job not enough as much as people who want to take the occupation. That is to say, people should make a novel company in their own country. So it can make the number of slot's need to be increase. but this way is definitely difficult to do, as hard as the person to become an enterpreuner, it depend on the desire of the person it self.

To sum up, employed people is better than people who did not take any accupation, because successful life can be required when they get their own lovely jobs, that can make a lot of benefits for them and the circumtances. However, thwe most solution for people who did not get the occupation is to make the company ot self, but it is not simple as an utterance of expression.

kobayakawa07 8 / 13  
Aug 13, 2016   #2
Hi grint. It is nice to see you here. I like your essay structure. It is so well-structured.

3rd paragraph:
-So it can make the number of slot's need to be increase.increased
I think your sentence is passive voice, so we have to use verb 3 in 'increase'

2nd paragraph:
-All of their needs can be fulfilled from it.
after modals, it should be added with base form of word

Thank you very much grint
Faridadwi18 67 / 104 13  
Aug 15, 2016   #3
Hi grint,

- Unemployment was one of the problemS for many people in a big city.
... they should take some jobS for their benefit payments
... people are better to take some workS in order to (...) life in many maysways , besides to get a job ...
- ... income that will make their life more better and easier.
- As seen in a developed countiescountries (spelling)

You need to pay more attention in singular and plural also spelling.
Hopefully it helps.


Home / Writing Feedback / Discuss the possible advantages and disanvantages of making unemployed people take any job.