[IELTS task 2] Discuss both views and give opinion about spend money on improving transport

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Transportation plays a key role in the development of a country's economy. Currently, the problem of traffic congestion or accidents is an urgent need, encouraging people to have different opinions of how to upgrade the transport systems. While some people think that the money should be spent on boosting the quality of public transport, I believe it is more necessary to construct new railway lines.

On the one hand, existing public transport need to be improved is an undeniable fact because they are the lifeline of the country. Public transport play a role to connect every corner of country and facilitates the transportation of goods and people. Moreover, public transports are affordable and accessible, so if government improve the frequency and reliability of buses and trains, they will reduce the traffic congestion and encourage the citizens use public transports instead of private vehicles.

On the other hand, according to the current situation, the road system is overcrowded to keep increasing capacity. And the optimal solution to relieve the gridlock for the city center is the construction of new railway line to encourage people to use trains. This is not only benefits for people who work by trains, but it also reduces traffic congestion in rush hour and accidents. The best thing about this railway is that it will be implemented run by energy sources can be renewable. Therefor, the problem of environmental pollution will be minimized.

To conclude, although upgrading public transport is necessary, I believe the installation of new railway lines is more importance.

Focus on the discussion instruction in totality. Do not focus on the last part of the discussion. It is the incorrect understanding of the discussion requirements that forced the error in the presentation. There are a series of significant errors that will force the failure of this essay. The errors are:

- Incorrect paraphrase (there should be 2 public topics present aside from the personal opinion )
- Error in response format. Reasoning paragraphs fail to explain the reason behind each public opinion. One per paragraph aside from the personal opinion.
- Public opinions lack supporting comparative discussions using appropriate pronouns.
- Lack of reverse paraphrase in the concluding summary.

The writer chose which aspect of the prompt he believed he could discuss best and used that. He changed the discussion instructions. Inability to follow instructions will result in a failing score.

Hi @nguyen3899,
I think your second body paragraph lacks a clear topic sentence. A topic sentence is a sentence that summarizes the main idea of a paragraph. In the 2nd body para, you write about the advantages of building new railway lines so you need a topic sentence at the beginning such as: "On the other hand, spending money on new railway lines between cities may be more advantageous in such a crowded city these days." Your first sentence: "On the other hand, according to ..." fails to summarize clearly the points you want to make in the 2nd body para.