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IELTS task 2 - Discuss both views about sports profession of wages

Apr 4, 2020   #1

Huge money for some athletes

Topic: Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your opinion[/b]

Many profitable and skillful sports players are paid a huge amount of money while others people working professionally in different fields. Some people agree with this situation while others are not. I believe that payment is reasonale.

Firstly, plenty of famous professional footballers can get a contract worth several billion dollars which enough for their family to live the whole life. Not only is reward financed by club and donors of competition, but also his income comes from the advertisements of well-known label. For instance, giant properties of powerful David Beckham kicker make others admire. According statistics in 2007, he joined in LA Galaxy club with 250 million dollars contract in five years and his salary in that moment is 6.5 million dollars. That is the highest wage on the world until now. However, it is not just spoet players can earn a humongous amount of money, but a lot of employee in diverse and essential occupation can either. Clear example that is Bill Gates who is establisher of Microsoft obtains 33.3 million dollar per day. Therefore, if one person performs well their jobs, the boss will pay worthy of money for them, regardless of who.

On the other hand, some people think that the remuneration of labour whoes profession are vital in society such as farmers, doctors, teachers is less than one of sports players, so this is unfair. Nevertheless, according career property, people playing sporst as occupation hold a great responsibility to bring prize and pride for country through severe competition. In addition, they need to exxperience high intensity of trainning and may suffer critical injuries which can dispossess their life. Indonesian Akli Fairio attacker of Persiraja club is a specific demonstration. He took a serious kick on his stomach when he pariticipanted in championship. After 6-day-treatment, he died at the age of 27.

In conclusion, a great wage is paid for people efforting to finish perfectly thei work, it is not expect anyone. Some people may earn much money in a short time, but its is not unfair because they bet whole their life at this moment.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,837 4174  
Apr 4, 2020   #2
You misunderstood the discussion instruction. The original instruction for the triple topic presentation is:

OP: Discuss both these views and give your opinion

The discussion requirement is a 3 reasoning paragraph format comprised of:
- Some people think this is fully justified
- others think it is unfair.
- Personal opinion

You cannot present a personal opinion in the paraphrase section. That is impossible to do at that point since you have not completed the comparative discussion of the 2 reasons presented yet. You do not present your personal opinion in the paraphrase. You merely outline the discussion paragraphs in that case. The paraphrase should have been somewhat like this:

Paid athletes tend to earn more money than people who work in other notable occupations. While there are factions that support the large salary these financially compensated players receive, there are some groups that oppose the wages they receive because it is discriminatory towards other professions. I would like to develop and present my personal opinion on the topic after considering the supporting facts that both sides present.

Do not forget to use second and third person pronouns to represent the discussion for the public points of view. Use those in every paragraph except in the one that represents your personal point of view. That should be in the first person presentation. Without the extensive use of the second and third person pronouns in your essay, the discussion becomes one sided, a personal point of view alone. You need to use the pronouns properly as a part of the topic sentence per paragraph.

Also, you have to remember that this type of discussion topic is always presented in the 5 paragraph format. Read the original prompt and then write down the discussion topics. The discussion topics will always correspond to the type of discussion instruction. In this case:

Discussion topic: Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions

Discussion instructions: Discuss both these views and give your opinion

Points of view:
1. Some people think this is fully justified
2. others think it is unfair
3. personal opinion

Always outline the topic, discussion instruction, and topics for discussion before you start writing. That way you know exactly how many paragraphs you need to present and you will not accidentally misrepresent the discussion or format of the presentation.
Apr 4, 2020   #3
Thanks for your feedback, I have learn the hard way. However, can you give me more feedback about my grammar or vocabulary in this essay, please?

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