Ielts task 2: Discussion about happiness - condicive factors to reach it

Happiness is considered very important in life.
Why is it difficult to define?
What factors are important in achieving happiness?

People may be happy for different reasons

The sole aim of every human being is to live happily. Thus we can assume that happiness plays pivotal role in our lives. However, it takes lots of effort to define the meaning of happiness. In this essay, I will argue the reasons for this issue and suggest some factors that are crucial to reach the true happiness.

In the sense that people's goal in livelihood varies widely the deinition of being happy of each individual also differs from that of other's. Possesing happiness in life, to some people, means having good health, owning a huge amount of material value or being in a romantic relationship. In addition, some people define the state less complicated as having a nice family or just being able to exist.

In order to achieve this feeling, there are two factors that should not be ignored. Firstly, those who target living happily must be patient. This is because not everything, which makes human happy, is easy to possess, for instance, a big sum of money, a fit body, love... Besides, proper conception is of the same importance. Today, so many people aim to reach happiness supposing that it should be wealth or career success but forget that taking care of their own family members is a kind of happiness as well. For this reason, many are unsatisfied with their lives on account of misunderstanding that their goals are not fulfilled although they have already possessed happiness.

In conclusion, happiness, though vital, is hard to give a general deinition by virtue of difference in thinking among individuals. Nevertheless, it is not a painstaking process at all to achieve this mental treasure, as long as we have patience and appreciate the presence of what we have already obtained.

Tran, this is an acceptable essay. There are a few problems that lowered the writing standard that you presented which I would like to call your attention to. In the second paragraph, your first sentence is improperly developed and shows tremendous incoherence in the manner that you wrote it. The sentence does not make any sense in English. You need to remember that you cannot just write an English version of your Vietnamese thoughts. You need to make sure that the sentence is properly translated into English for it to make sense to the reader. Transliteration gets you a messy, incoherent and non-cohesive sentence / paragraph.

You are trying to discuss too many things in each paragraph. In order to create a well written and paragraph that will pass the cohesiveness and coherence test, you must present only one idea for discussion and develop that thoroughly. Try to avoid using special punctuation marks like ellipses (...) since this is an academic essay and the special punctuation marks are more used in the creative writing field.

For the conclusion, you need to just focus on summarizing the previous content of the essay. Don't bother with introducing new discussion points as you did here because you cannot present more than 5 paragraphs for the discussion. Just make sure that you present a recap of your written work within 5 sentences and you will be alright.

This is a very good attempt at writing an essay. You had a few missteps here and there but it looks like you are well on your way to improving your written abilities. Keep up the good work.

@Holt
Glad to see you again. I utterly appreciate your advice on how to better my work. It has always helped me a lot.