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'dissatisfaction with the house' ; IELTS TASK 1


goyote 1 / 1  
Mar 31, 2014   #1
My english is very poor, sorry for any misunderstanding and thank's alot for correction
----------------------------------------------------------------- ----------Topic
You are not happy with the work a home builder does to your house. Write a letter to the manager of the company. In your letter,

1. Say who you are and why you are writing
2. Explain the details of the work that you are unsatisfied with
3. Give suggestions on what you think they should do

----------------------------------------------------------------- -Essay
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing to you to express my dissatisfaction with the house that you have completed last week.
As you may know, I am the owner of the house. The poor quality of the house makes me very disappointed. In the first place, one of the new doors in the living room is in very poor condition and has a broken handle, which makes me impossible to get into that room. Besides, the color of the walls was not the same as the one that I saw in the initial plan.

In addition, I tried to phone your office and spoke a staff, a Mr. Robert, who was rather rude on the phone and informed me that I cannot get neither a replacement of the door or a new color of the walls.

I understand that, as a member of the management team, you have the power to solve these problems. I would, however, be perfectly satisfied if you would kindly change the door or repaint my walls, whichever is more convenient.

Yours Sincerely,
Shigang Xing.
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Mar 31, 2014   #2
I am writing to you to express my dissatisfaction with the house that you have completed last week.

First, tell who you are and give them some reference to locate the contract you had with them. They need to know about the house they built for you;

I am ?????? and I am the owner of the house (description of your house, e.g. two bedroom house ) which I purchased from your company in the month of March 2014 under the reference ???????.

Then tell why you are writing this letter to them :)

As you may know, I am the owner of the house.

This should have been shifted to the introductory para.
duo008 6 / 39 5  
Mar 31, 2014   #3
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing to express my dissatisfaction with the house decoration that you have completed last week.

I am the owner of the house at 88 Hill Street. The poor quality decoration makes me very disappointed. Firstly/First of all, one of the new door in the living room is very low-quality and the door's handle has been broken somehow, which makes me difficult to get into the room. In addition to this, the colors of the walls in my house are totally not matching the colors that I've decided in the initial plan.

I have already discussed these problems with one of staff - Mr Robert in your company by phone. But he was very rude and told me he can do nothing about it.

Unless you replace the door handle and repaint all the walls as I saw in the initial plan, I will be forced to take a legal action

Your earliest response would be highly appreciated.

Yours Sincerely,
Shigang Xing.
=====================================
a lot of grammar mistakes here
reword some sentences,
hope can help u
OP goyote 1 / 1  
Mar 31, 2014   #4
Thank you very much that's is very helpful
codeblue 5 / 9 1  
Mar 31, 2014   #5
many years in company and I fear that I cannot give that up.
* in a company.

a Mr. Robert,
*remove a
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Mar 31, 2014   #6
First, a small admin request - You should open all IELTS related threads in Writing Feedback forum. This has been moved from the Graduate Essays to Writing Feedback.

I am writing to apologize for being unable to take this job that you offered me in the letter.

Don't start a letter with a negative sentiment. Tell something positive and then slowly turn to the negative aspects :)

I am very pleased to receive your letter offering me the post of ????????. I am so thankful to you for being so considerate about me and having such confidence in me

However, I am compelled to decline your offer due to a few serious concerns on my part.
xingshigang 4 / 9  
Apr 1, 2014   #7
I have rewrote this essay and thank's a lot for any corrections
Dear Sir,
I am very pleased to receive your letter offering me the post of project leader.
We met in your office last week and yesterday I received a letter saying that you have a great position for me. I am so thankful to you for being so considerate about me and having such confidence in me. However, I am compelled to decline your offer to a few serious concerns on my part. Fist of all, the main reason is that I have been working on a project for many years in a company and I fear that I cannot give that up. Moreover, In addition, I would like to recommend another expert to you, Mr. Robert, who is rather professional in carrying out new IT project. Thank you again for you job offer and I will feel very horned and pleasure if you call me to inquire anything about this person.

Your response would be highly appreciated.
Yours Sincerely,
Shigang Xing
duo008 6 / 39 5  
Apr 1, 2014   #8
Dear Mr. Robert
I am very happy to receive your letter offering me such a great job opportunity. It is really a pleasure to me. Unfortunately, after think a while, I regret to tell you that I cannot take this job due to some family concerns.

As you know, I am working in my father's wood company as a manager. My job in there is pretty easy and boring, that's why I want to change my job to get different experiences to enrich myself. But my father has been diagnosed with serious heart disease last week. Therefore, I have to take the responsible to take care of my father's company.

I am so sorry about that. However, I want to recommend one of my friends Peter Smith to take this position. He has worked in my father's company for 5 years. He is really smart and talented man I have ever seen. I can guarantee that he is a responsible and experienced person in company. In some professional aspects he is even better than me.

Thank you again, and hope you can find a right person soon!

Yours Sincerely,
duo008 6 / 39 5  
Apr 1, 2014   #9
We met in your office last week and yesterday I received a letter saying that you have a great position for me.

you don't need this sentence.

Fistof all, the main reason is thatI have been working on a project for many years in a company and I fear that I cannot give that up.

I am working on a project for many years in company, and I'm afraid I cannot...

Moreover, In addition, I would like to recommend another expert to you,

moreover/in addition , just use one of them, it will be OK.

, who is rather professional in carrying out new IT project.

this sentence is not make sense.

if you call me to inquire anything about this person.

here ask will be better,
if you want to know the details about this person, plz feel free to call me

I think you can write down the letter in your own language and then translate to English, it is more easier to understand what you want to say
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Apr 1, 2014   #10
My english is very poor, sorry for any misunderstanding and thank's alot for correction

Well, I don't think so :)
You've got great comments from both Pahan and duo008. Pay attention to the points they've mentioned. Your English writing skills are not bad, however, you need to get hold of the structure. Here are a few things you need to do ;

1. Identify the type of letter
2. Open and close the letter correctly.
3. Open a formal and semi-formal letter with a formal sentence.
4. Open an informal letter with a general, friendly paragraph.
5. Identify the main purpose of the letter.
6. Learn and use standard written phrases.
7. Make sure you write at least 150 words
8. Learn the correct spelling of commonly used words.
9. Stay on topic.
10. Include all three bulleted points.
Here's a link for more details - goodluckielts.com/IELTS-letter-writing-tips.html
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Apr 11, 2014   #11
Here's some more notes on essay writing :)

Style Characteristics Opening Ending
Formal To someone you have not met, whose name you don't know Dear Sir / Madam Yours faithfully
Semi-formal To someone you may or may not have met, whose last name you know & use Dear Mr Brown Yours sincerely
Informal To someone you know well, whose first name you know and use Dear John Best regards/ Warm wishes
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Apr 11, 2014   #12
u. However, I have decided to stay in my current job. The main reason is that I have been working on a project for many years in company and I fear that I cannot give that up.

Well, this is not a very convincing reason as to why you do not wish to leave your present job. Tell him why you feel that you should not leave them at this point - you can say you feel bad to put them in trouble because they treated you so well, or you can say you cannot betray their trust on you. Whatever it is, you need to say something more convincing that he would understand your plight :)
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Apr 11, 2014   #13
Style Characteristics Opening Ending

Very good approach by Pahan

If I were you, I would start constructing the bodies of the paragraph into:
Para 2: Say who you are and why you are writing (go in details)
Para 3: Explain the details of the work that you are unsatisfied with (go in details)
Para 4: Give suggestions on what you think they should do (go in details)

By doing so, I could cover all the points given.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Apr 11, 2014   #14
Were I you, I would start constructing the bodies of the paragraph, like this:
Para 2: Thank him for the offer (go in details)
Para 3: . Explain why you want to stay in the present job (go in details)
Para 4:. Recommend a friend for the job in the new company (go in details)

By doing so, I could cover all the question given.


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