Due to many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised

life expectancy and retirement age

Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It has been observed that there was an considerable increase in the average life expectancy. This has prompted many to encourage the government to implement a policy, in which the retirement age is raised substantially. However, personally I am not convinced by the assertion that people should work much longer than the past. This opinion is based on the face that higher retirement age is likely to associate with inefficiency and higher rate of unemployment.

To start with, I am inclined to believe that the performance at work of the elderly gradually decrease overtime. While admittedly, the old aged have the valuable source of experience, there are also various difficulties they have to cope with when working at such age. A typical issue for the senior is health problem as their immune system have been weaken, This can lead to unstable productivity which have detrimental impact on the working process. Furthermore, they might not be flexible enough for their work as they have to keep up with the constantly developing world. When man reach a certain age, there are decreases in the processing brain. These changes in brain could affect cognitive functions even with healthy old people, which make them unable to sustain good performance at work.

In addition to the instability in performance, the fact that the elder people continue to do their jobs can lead to more severe financial consequences. Consider, for example, the retirement ae is raised and the elderly continue to work. The graduates, however, is lack of experience and vacancy to be hired. Accidentally, raising the retirement age is also raising the rate of unemployment which declines the working efficiency and stagnates the development of the economy.

My consideration of the issue of the raise of retirement age has explored factors such as instability in productivity and stagnant in the economy. I believe that the age at which people retire should not be raised to such an extent that it may affect the efficiency of work and the process of the society.

Hi there! It is extremely important that you should check your essay carefully again to correct some spelling and grammar mistakes. I'm impressed by your vocabulary, however there are some repetitive words such as "efficiency".

You should consider changing some words. I suggest you replace this with "elderly people":
"While admittedly, the old aged have...".
Here's one that I find a bit hard to understand: "there are decreases in the processing brain".

Besides what I've pointed out, I think your ideas are brilliant! Hope you find my feedback useful!