IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - Economic progress VS Other progress

the issue of progress and economyy

For many nations of the world, economy is regarded as the most desirable achievement there is. While economy is certainly relevant to the survival of a country, I opine that there are many more respects to it than just financial well-being.

On the one hand, those who prioritize only their economical goals have their defensible grounds. Firstly, the financial health of the state is one the foundational elements in maintaining its aspects, whether it be health care, education, or science and technology. Most researches as well as advancements require some sort of governmental funding, which is only available if the country is thriving economically. Secondly, an economy plays a decisive role in the people's well-being. With a successful economy comes higher living standards, better health care and education and decrease in crimes due to better job opportunities. In short, the importance of the economy to a nation is equivalent to that of the spine to a body.

On the other hand, to only prioritize one's economy would be insufficient, other factors, such as the environment, should be taken into consideration as well. As can be observed from history, the process of industrialization and modernization has caused nature to suffer incredibly. In the exemplary case of China and India, their industrial developments, which have lead to buoyant economies, engendered air pollution to exacerbate. It was so serious that not until the Covid pandemic put their economical activities into a complete halt could the heavy dust clouds be ameliorated, the sky be seen and the people breathe safely without masks.

In conclusion, even though essentializing the economy is sensible, it is advisable for authorities to also take environmental issues and the such just as seriously.

Please help with my essay, be brutal and point out as many mistakes as possible. Thanks in advance!

The prompt restatement is inaccurate. It fails to represent both public opinions prior to the writer's point of view on the matter. Therefore, his opinion and personal reasoning, as stated, tends to lack validity. The paragraph can only receive a partial TA score since the presentation is only partially accurate.

The discussion fails to properly compare the basis of the public reason with his own. The strength of his opinion in this type of writing comes from his ability to fairly opine based on the public perception. Why does he believe one POV to be true and the other false? How does his personal reasoning fit in the context of both public perceptions? The current discussion is generally based on a personal point of view alone which does not create an open discussion of the 2 public opinions as per the prompt requirements.