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Education is the key to reduce consumption of junk food



alice05 4 / 8  
Jul 22, 2022   #1

Scientists agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food.


Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.


It is a fact that people are doing great harm to their bodies by consuming processed food with a high frequency. To many people, the best method to preclude this growing pressing matter is education while others disagree and claim that educating people of the dire effects of unhealthy food will be of no avail. I personally agree with those who believe that education is the key to this problem.

There are several ways in which educating might be ineffective in the fight against the consumption of processed food. The first reason is simply because it saves a lot of time in the current fast-paced lifestyle. In the hustle and bustle of the city rat race, people often crave time, always prioritise productivity and that's why handy food like that gain such popularity. In this case, the situation basically leaves them with little choice. The second rationale to ignore the role of education is that the price of this food is most of the time affordable. The fact why junk food is favour by most people, especially children and teenagers comes from its modest price for a nice treat. It can satisfy people of all socioeconomic statuses, from the people of low-income families to the affluent entrepreneurs who are always on business and lack time.

However, I'm still on the side that without education, the problem will never be eradicated comprehensively in the future. All problems in society seem to stem from people's mindset and behaviour that is inherited in the environment they live in. For example, if a child lives in a house where his parents consume fast food on a daily basis, he may have the tendency to do so. The only way to break this convention is certainly a change in awareness that can only be brought about by education. With the equipment of knowledge, people may steer clear of this kind of food in aware of how detrimental it is or at least try to reduce how much they consume ready-made food. The educational programs and campaigns designed to raise people's awareness are in effect prove fruitful. For example, people gradually shift to a more healthy diet of vegetable-based meals made from home thanks to the growing amount of tutor videos about eating clean. Had it not been for education, people would never experience such a change now.

In conclusion, while I agree that there are a couple of reasons why people can ignore what they know about the adverse impacts of overconsuming junk food, education still plays a vital role in the elimination of this issue.

P/s: I know that I overwrite a lot, and I am desperate to know is there any way to make it more concise while at the same time remaining well-presented. Thanks a lot!!!

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15393  
Jul 22, 2022   #2
Since a specific question was indicated and the need for advice regarding it is evident, I will not be offering an essay review in this instance. I will instead, respond to the question of the writer. Yes, the essay is too long and can be shorter. That is why I recommend that the student not write more than 300 words for the total essay. 300 words is equivalent to 5 sentences per paragraph or 20 lines overall in the presentation.

The best way to avoid overwriting is to avoid using place holders, word, sentence, or phrase fillers that do nothing to move the idea of the writer forward. Mentions of:

In the hustle and bustle of the city rat race,

In this case,

For example,

In conclusion

are all unnecessary in the presentation as these are mere extenders used to meet the word count. Useful sentence ideas that actually provide concise content should be developed through the review and revision of paragraphs and sentences. Learn to compress the meaning of the sentence, without using a run-on. It is not important to overdiscuss and use a lot of words. Practice saying more with less words. This can be practiced by not using IELTS task 2 discussion essays yet. One can learn to practice the less is more writing style through the writing of task 1 analysis essays, which require no more than 200 words to complete. Perfect the task 1 essay word count and the task 2 essay presentation will be easier to accomplish in short form.
OP alice05 4 / 8  
Jul 22, 2022   #3
@Holt
Thank you for your advice, I really appreciate it and I wonder if you have time to take a look at this essay and give me some feedback, I will work on my problem with essay length the next time. Again, thanks for the valuable work you are doing!!!


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