Okay. The writer understands the subject of the discussion but did not provide the 3 explanatory statements as required by the presentation instruction. What makes it clear that this is a 3 paragraph essay? The following statement clearly indicates that need:
what are the benefits of each system? which is better?
There are 2 educational systems up for discussion at one explanatory paragraph each. The explanation of the writer's opinion is another separate explanatory paragraph. Each paragraph must be fully explained and convincing to the reader. With regards to the explanatory paragraphs for each system of education, the writer does not equally develop the explanation for each. The lack of discussion development usually presents itself with the second reason provided. It is sufficient to use only one reason or benefit explanation for each paragraph due to the number of paragraphs required. Just make sure to fully explain and support each reason presented.
Presenting the writer's preferred learning method in the concluding paragraph could result in a failing test score since the requirement for the concluding paragraph is to summarize and conclude the discussion. The writer cannot present and explain his opinion in this paragraph due to that requirement. This essay will be considered incomplete upon submission due to the lack of a properly presented conclusion. Normally, the lack of a concluding paragraph results in a failing score. Remember, the scores are based on proper response formats. Simply using keywords to indicate a conclusion is not the same as developing a correctly formatted reverse paraphrase / concluding summary.
These are the main reasons that this essay could have scoring problems. I have not even gotten started on the punctuation and other grammar related problems of the presentation.