Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5

Schools should focus on the subjects which support of student's goals in the future


hasbi 29 / 42 23  
Nov 2, 2015   #1
Schools should only offer subjects that are beneficial to students' future career success. Other subjects, such as music and sports, are not important. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The people's goals depend on what they offer today. Most of the people think that schools should focus on the subjects which support of student's goal in the future and do not pay attention to secondary subjects like sports and music. It is agreed that the school's offer to teach subjects that student's need for their career is the most significant due to the fact that this case can help them reach their goals. On the other hand, while some people say that others subjects are not strongly useful for student's career, like sports and music are able to make people keep fit and develop their talents related to job opportunities.

It is more significant that schools must solely provide the subject that could make students success in their careers. This is because paying more attention to their primary subject tend to make them study more and more related to it. A 2007 Harvard annual survey revealed that 75% pilots in Paris, France success in their job as such they only focus on study aviation science in the college. Recognize of specific subjects is very helpful to make students become an expert in their major. Consequently, it is definitely they are professional workers.

Despite this case above, other subjects like sports and music should not be neglected or unnecessary to learned. To be part and partial, other subjects are same essential. Sports subject can teach students about healthy science like how to keeping fit their body everyday and there is a doubt that body healthily is one of the important requirements to find a better job. For music subject, some actors and actresses should have music talents. It is certain that this subject is essential for their career to become a famous artist.

To sum up, although some people argue that students solely learn their primary subjects is the best way to make students success of their career in the future, i firmly believe that no subjects should be considered as not important. In my notion, people should study subjects as much as possible whatever they wish.

Hanan125 4 / 9 2  
Nov 2, 2015   #2
In the first paragraph:

I think it's better to remove "the " . And begin with "people's goals...
akiraaa 7 / 20 2  
Nov 2, 2015   #3
hi Hasbi :

Thanks for your advice on my essay! i have learnt a lot from yours. Here is my advice:

RecognizeRecognizing of specific subjects is very helpful to make students become an expert in their major.

Despite this case above, other subjects like sports and music should not be neglected or be regarded as unnecessary to learned.

Sports subject can teach students about healthy science like how to keeping fit their body everyday and there is a doubtno doubt that body healthily is one of the important requirements to find a better job.

i think you want to say that body healthily is one of the important requirements to find a better job. So here it should be it is no doubt that.
Ssakshijain 28 / 146 87  
Nov 2, 2015   #4
Hi Hasbi,

Here are few corrections from my side :

The people's goals depend on whatthey(are you talking about school or people , just mention who are they here) offer today. Most of the people think thatthe schools should focus on the subjects which support of student's goal infor the future and doshould not pay attention to secondary subjects like sports and music....

... A 2007 Harvard annual survey revealed that 75% pilots in Paris, France are successful in their job as such they only focus on study aviation science in the college. Recognizition of specific subjects is very helpful to make students become an expert in their major. ....

... about healthy science like how to keepingfit their bodyfit everyday and there is ano doubt that body healthilya healthy body is one of the important requirements to find a better job.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Nov 4, 2015   #5
The pP eople's goals depend on what they are offered today. Most of the people think thatIt is argued that schools should focus onofferthe subjects which support of student's goalS in the future and do not pay attention toNOR secondary subjects like sports and music.

It is agreed that the school's offer to ...
... talents related to job opportunities.

While I agree with the former notion, since these school subjects help them reach future career, I also believe that the converse would be appear to be true for today's life due to the fact that music and sports teaches self-discipline


Home / Writing Feedback / Schools should focus on the subjects which support of student's goals in the future