Unanswered [15] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

IELTS writing task 1: Elaborate the changes of Queen Mary Hospital since its construction


lichien0422 5 / 8 3  
Jul 20, 2019   #1
Please feel free to advise. Thank you!

Hospital's development phases



The diagram demonstrates how Queen Mary hospital has developed over the three different time periods(1960,1980 and 2000).

In 1960, the hospital was located just along the main road with a shopping centre right next to it. The land sitting on the back of the hospital was used for car parking, while on the opposite side was a farmland.

By 1980, the shopping centre was demolished due to the extension of hospital buildings: cancer centre and pharmacy. Moreover, a nursing school was constructed to replace the farmland. All the while, the car park area stayed untouched until later.

In 2000, the cancer centre expanded to cover the entire nursing school. Meanwhile, the parking area was reduced into half so there was enough space for nursing school to be relocated next to it.

Throughout the period, the main hospital building remained the same. However, the parking lot was resized due to the extension of nursing school and cancer centre.(159 words)




s410377088 10 / 20 4  
Jul 20, 2019   #2
... has developed between 1960 and 2000 over the three ....
The land sitting on the back of behind the hospital ...
Maria [Contributor] - / 827 312  
Jul 20, 2019   #3
@lichien0422
Hello there. I'll provide you with additional writing feedback.

I think that, generally speaking, the flow of your articulation is quite put-together. You had quite an extensive grasp of what these portions mean. Because of this, I would only suggest trying to improve the manner in which you transition between your sentences. Try to curate composition that's more flowy and smoother in terms of moving between all the lines. For instance, try to reduce the usage of words such as "so" that have more formal alternatives (therefore, thus, etc.). The usage of these words that carry a more academic tone will help you appear more structured.

Best of luck.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 1: Elaborate the changes of Queen Mary Hospital since its construction