employees for entire live? I completely disagree; people get old during time

Businesses should hire employees for their entire lives. Do you agree or disagree?

Each company, business and enterprise uses their own method and strategy to make progress. One of the most important factors that helps enterprises to become succeed is employees. In from my point of view employees play important role in thriving of businesses, and I completely disagree businesses should hire employees for their entire lives. I have several reasons for my disagreement.

To begin with, people get old during time, and they lose their abilities. If people will be hired for entire of their lives, over time they become tired, so they will not do their task perfectly. Companies, businesses and enterprises will be suffer with these kind of employee.

What is more, science is developing day by day, and new technology is being taught in colleges and universities. So young people that graduate each year from universities should be replaced with old employees. The new employees have not only a huge amount of energy but also new ideal, that can be really helpful for businesses that want to be succeed.

To sum up, young workforce plays an important role in making progress for a business. They both are more creative and have much more energy rather than old employees.

In from my point of view employees
Companies, businesses and enterprises will be sufferd with this kind of employee.
So young people that graduate each year from universities should be replacedwiththe old employees.
They both are more creative and have much more energy energetic rather than old employees.

Each company, business and enterprise uses their own method and strategy to make progress. One of the most important factors that helps enterprises to become succeedmore successful is employees. In from my point of view employees play important role in thriving of businesses, and I completely disagree with the idea that businesses should hire employees for their entire lives. I have several reasons for my disagreement.

To begin with, people getare getting old during the time, and they lose their abilities. [It is not related with your topic sentence] If people will be hired for entire of their lives, over time they become tired, so they will not do their task perfectly. Companies, businesses and enterprises will be suffer from with these kind of employees .

What is more, sciences are is developing day by day, and new technologytechnologies is being taught in colleges and universities. So young people that graduate each year from universities should be replaced with old employees. The new employees have not only a huge amount of energy but also new ideal, that can be really helpful for businesses that want to be succeed.

To sum up, young workforce plays an important role in making progress for a business. They both are more creative and have much more energy rather than old employees.

It is too short. This writing is about 199 words. You should write around 300 words for toefl.
successful -> adj
success -> noun
succeed -> Verb

Totally good!!!