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IELTS Task 2, Many employees may work at home the modern technology

wahyu 16 / 28 1  
Jun 14, 2016   #1
Many employees may work at home the modern technology. Some people claim that it can benefit only workers, not the employers. Do you agree or disagree?

Technology changes the way people do things, including their job. Advanced technology enables several employees to work at their house. I totally disagree with the statement that the only workers have advantages not the employers.

Recently, working at homes either as employers and employees give some advantages. Firstly they can have a good circumstance since the work in the comfortable place which is their house. Secondly, they also can spend much more time with their family when they have a break time so that their relationship with their family members' improve. As a result, they enjoy working in house and it leads to the increase in their working performance.

On the other hand it also gives some drawbacks to the workers and to the Boss. The officers tend to do their task as they want since their employers do not look at them directly. It will make employers experience economical lose because the workers' performance tends to decrease. Social interactions between workers and employers cannot run well because the time duration of interaction much enough. In addition, the transfer of skills which need direct guide do not happen since the employers only give several instructions without showing the real example to them.

To sum up, it is evident that working in the home affects several benefits and drawbacks for both workers and employers. In my point of view, I absolutely disagree with the statement that only officers have benefit, not the employers. Then I recommend both of them to make good collaborations to improve the quality of their company and hope that developing technology can help them to increase their productivities for maximizing their income, hence their live are going to be better than before.
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Jun 15, 2016   #2
Wahyu, I think that this essay is somehow a little-bit far away from the topic given. The prompt is about whether modern technology benefits only workers, or benefits both workers and employers. Yet, you were also explaining about the drawbacks of modern technology which I think it is unnecessary to be brought into the discussion. Let me give you a hint about what you can do to improve your essay.

First, if you are in disagree position, make sure that you are totally disagree with the prompt given. I know that some teachers advice that you can partly agree and disagree but this often leads to an essay with no clear focus and a confusing structure. Second, you need to focus on the keywords in the prompt. If the prompt never asks or talks about 'drawbacks', why bother to make one? Just answer directly what the question wants. For instance, this is the body paragraph should look like:

- 1st topic sentence for body paragraph 1 (discuss about the first idea why you disagree) = Employers and employees are more comfortable by working at home.

- 2nd topic sentence for body paragraph 2 (discuss about the second idea why you disagree) = Working at home is more convenient for employers and employees.

By exploring those two main ideas and mentioning concession in the last sentence for each paragraph, you can get stronger essay rather than discussing both sides.
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Jun 15, 2016   #3
Hi Wahyu, as I read along, I am really immersed in your essay, I believe this is one of those essays that is not only realistic but also very relevant to todays world.

I, for one, works at home, I have full control of my time, my actions and the results of my work. Coupled with this freedom is the responsibility to be well disciplined, such as knowing my hours of work, sticking to my schedule and the results derived from the days work. Moreover, it gives the employees the sense of concentration that they need and that they couldn't have in an office set up, added to this is the controversy that the office set up brings will not be experienced in a remote office or working from home, which for me is a very good addition to being a remote worker.

Overall, the essay you wrote is very relevant to todays world,you made sure that the essay is also using appropriate words, the construction of the sentences is also very critical and you were able to bring it out in this essay.

Furthermore, you were able to answer what is asked of the prompt, I consider this essay as very up to date, true to its purpose and the ideas you mentioned are able to highlight both advantages and disadvantages of the situation.

I hope my insights helped.
irhame 52 / 50 25  
Jun 15, 2016   #4
Technology changes the way people [...] that the only workers have advantages not the employers.

Sophisticated devices play an equally important role in job life. As such, it help employees work in their own occupation. While some convince that it only boosts employees capability, I highly likely believe it gives benefits for boss and workers.
Beauty17 56 / 88 5  
Jun 15, 2016   #5
hallo wahyu. look at your essay i think you are not get it what question mean. you explain too far and you did not give your first and secon idea why you disagree about this notion. As same as above comments, i think you need to explore another idea so you can explain it clearly. you need to put minimum 2 ideas in your introductory paragraph and you need to explain each idea in your body paragraph. I think that all my comment i am waiting for your next essay. keep trying and spirit !

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