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Employers should not care about the way their employees dress - the work quality is more important

Jul 9, 2018   #1
Some people think that employers should not care about the way their employees dress because what matters is the quality of their work.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The outfit over the job performance?

Over the past few decades, dressing code at workplace has been an emerging matter of debate.It is assumed that recruiters have no reason to worry about their staff's dressing style because it is their working performance that matters.Personally, I partly agree with this point of view.

On the one hand, there are good reasons why a number of individuals think that the way employees get dressed is less important.First of all, there are jobs that do not necessarily require dressing up elegantly and fashionably such as website designers, accountants.These employees just sit at their working desk and glue their eyes to the laptop screen and file papers virtually all their working time.Their designing products and precision in documents are the things that really matter and managers ought to pay attention to these factors.Secondly, these ocupations do not involve meeting clients or counterparts;therefore, it should be made free for employees as to what to wear at work.

On the other hand, numerous people hold the notion that employers should take their staff's dressing style into full consideration.These may work in the sectors that require workers to dress up smartly and professionally such as teachers, flight attendants, salespersons.Worlking in these fields, employees have to expose to students, customers and attend meetings on a frequent basis.Their clothes are of crucial importance due to the fact that their external appearance could leave a negative or positive impression on their counterparts, thereby impacting on the image of their company and the result of their working mission.

To sum up, I pen down saying that both fashion style and work productiveness have essential role to play at workplace.Recruiters should care whether about the former or the later aspect depending on their field of work.

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,631 2521  
Jul 10, 2018   #2
Nguyen, please do not write exaggerations in the essay. Unless there is actually an argument being presented in the original prompt, do not use terms such as "emerging debate". If you review the topic for discussion, the term used is "Some people think...". The keyword here is "think", which implies a thoughtful discussion of an opinion. That is highly different from the term "argument" which can be paraphrased as a "debate".

In the first paragraph, your second reason should be the topic sentence instead of a last sentence. Being the last sentence in the paragraph, you were not able to explain your second reason fully. However, it shows a direct connection to the discussion you present in the paragraph so it should be located somewhere at the start of the paragraph. It should be either the first or second sentence in the presentation.

Your comma use is incorrect. If you are only presenting 2 connected items or descriptions, use the word "and". When presenting several similar terms, use a comma. Any sentence presentation of a list over 3 words should use a comma. 2 words, use the word "and" instead.

Good work on the summarized conclusion. It is a highly creative manner of presenting the concise discussion previously presented.

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