The English teachers were three times less popular in Ontario, than the French language tutors there

Percentage of first-year teacher with regular teaching jobs by year of graduation (Unit 3 Page 36)

The graph provides information about the percentage of teachers were hired by years of graduation between 2001 and 2007. Overall, the graph of English language teachers has been downward trends and bottomed at 25 % while in the same year the French language teachers has been rose slightly and reached a peak at 75 %. According to the data, the French language teachers has been increased and higher than English language teachers.

Over seven year periods, the number of French language teachers had been recruited fell by 18 % from year of graduated in 2001 to 2002 and rose slightly to under 70 % before had been stable position over three-years periods from 2003 to 2005 and peaked at 75 % in 2007.

On the other side, the number of English language teachers had been plunge suddenly from 2001 to 2003 before rose steadily around from 40 % to 43 % between 2003 and 2005. Over three years periods stood at 2005 to 2007, the number of English language teachers had been drop dramatically to 29 % in 2007.

(179 words)

• 
  14804936_10211099275.jpg
  

Hello sarlinda, i will give you suggestion:

Overall, the graph of English language teachers has been downward trends and (...) the French language teachershas been rose slightly and ...

Be care full tense using:
Because the graph shows from 2001 to 2007, you can use Simple past tense

Overall, your writing is use passive voice, it will good if you use past tense

Hi Miss Sarlinda.
I have read your writing closely. These are a few suggestions to finalize yours. Please, pay attention to my note and deal with them.



Miss, avoid mentioning detailed information in an overview. If there is a tendency to focus on details, your score will fall down to 5. In this moment, I will try to give you the example of overview.

OVERALL, IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE THAT THE ENGLISH-LANGUAGE TEACHERS DOMINATED THE WORKPLACE IN ONTARIO INITIALLY, BUT THAT POSITION HAD BEEN SUCCESSFULLY SURPASSED BY PROFESSIONALS TEACHING FRENCH LANGUAGE. MOREOVER, A GAP BETWEEN BOTH FIGURES HAVE WIDENED.

A closer look at your body paragraph reveals that you only played safely. You have to remember that your job in the writing task 1 is to compare the figures, not describe separately. One of the prompts in the writing is your skill to compare. Please, you keep in your mind about this matter.

Well, I wanna demonstrate the example of comparisons.

IN THE FIRST PERIOD, THE NUMBER OF PROFESSIONALS TEACHING ENGLISH WAS MORE THAN TEACHING FRENCH LANGUAGE, REGARDING AT 75% AND 705 RESPECTIVELY. HOWEVER, THOSE POSITIONS HAD CHANGED SURPRISINGLY. FOLLOWING SIX YEARS, THE FORMER FELT TO APPROXIMATELY ONE-THIRDS OF THE BEGINNING PERCENTAGE, WHILE THE LATTER SUCCESSFULLY TOOK OVER THE POSITION OF THE ENGLISH TEACHERS, WITH THE PERCENTAGE AT THE 2001 ENGLISH TEACHERS FIGURE.

Hopefully, those can enhance your skill to display the data.
I believe you can show the better progress. Practice more and more, and you only wait and see your outcomes.
GOOD LUCK