Ielts task 2: environment, energy, ecology

Some country use fossil fuels ( coal, oil, natutural gas) as the main source of energy. However, in some countries, people are encouranged to develop alternative sources of energy ( wind envergy and solar energy). To what extend do you agree or disagree with this development.

Alternative Energy Sources

Nowadays, an increasing of people are concerned about which fuels that we should utilize and its effects. However, whether using eco-friendly energy instead of using fossil fuels in many countries are a controversial issue. I fully agree with this stance by presenting several acceptable reasons.

Firstly, it is obvious that for the environment because using alternative sources of green wound brings a range of benefits. Due to industrial development and the uncontrolled exploitation of people, it could harmful to the ecosystem and deplete natural resources, therefore, it created a large number of disasters, such as drought, global warming, air pollution. By the way, by using eco - friendly energy, people can restrict the bad influences of the environment and raise the public's green awareness. That why it is crucial for the countries to give priority to exploit green energy.

Secondly, if the governments use renewable enẻgy such as wind, hydro and solar power as the main source of energy, it could save their budget and conserve other rare powers. For instance, if a country just uses only fossil fuels like the essential power, time by time, the source of it will be over and enable they have to buy fuels from other countries with extremely expensive price.

That is not to say that we should not use fossil fuels completely. There are, of course, in some poor and developing countries, green - energy is much more precious than others and their financial is not allowed. However, the world is developing and many countries are taking steps to utilize the alternative source power.

In conclusion, using eco-friendly energy is plays a crucial role in the development and the environment of a country; meanwhile, the exploitation of fossil fuels has to be managed and limited. By doing that, we can ensure that our next generation could also harness the eco-friendly power.

I must say that the Intro doesn't get to me very much. To make it clearer, perhaps you should change the first sentence a little bit bcuz alternative sources of energy ( wind energy and solar energy) are not fuels. Therefore, the coherence between sen 1 and sentence 2 is not very good.

"Whether" should go with "or" and the verb go after it must be in third place, which is " is a controversial issue".

The 1st sentence of the second paragraph has a mistake too that for the environment ; sources of green ; exploitation of people => exploitation BY people

In fact, there are so so so so so many things going on with your grammar, wich are sentence structure, collocations, choices of words, .... so I won't point out any of them anymore. You have to look into this carefully and figure it out by yourself

So let's look at others problems in your writing. Remember each paragraph should include at least 3 sentences, especially the body ( which should include 5 sentences to the best of my knowledge). Moreover, if you'are going to give an example , don't just give us and leave it there. In this case, you did explain it but in a complicated and it's really hard to understand

In summary, what really makes it EXTREMELY difficult to understand your essay is your grammar. Remember this simple structure : S+V . Don't forget verb and " IS" is a verb too. Furthermore it's the word choice. Don't just translate every thing from your native language into English. Every language is different. And you should spend more time in ur brain storming stage too.

Having said that, you did sit at the table write a essay in spite of those mistakes. GOOD JOB! Just try to improve day after day and believe in urself. GOOD LUCK

Your prompt paraphrase and conclusion does not follow the required format which is:
- Restate the topic in your own words
- Explain the reason for the discussion as you understand it to be
- Give your measured opinion on the matter
- Transition into the body paragraph

A more correct presentation of the opening prompt, based on the requirements above is:

Natural resources are the primary origin of industrial power in most nations. While this is true for the most part, some regions of the world are being inspired to build on the use of substitute renewable utilities. I fully agree with the latter opinion due to several personal observations.

Based on the example above, you can clearly see that I was able to restate the original topic, using proper synonyms for the keywords in the original prompt. I was also able to combine both my opinion and a transition sentence in the last sentence. This shows an advanced English writing skill. This is what you should be aiming for to be able to get a higher TA and C&C score in the presentation.

Your concluding summary should represent your opinion and personal reasons in the presentation instead of a continued discussion of the essay. It is a reverse paraphrase. You don't consider the original prompt in this instance. You restate your body of paragraphs and personal opinion instead. What you presented to the examiner is a non-concluded essay. Which means you will have some deductions in the TA score because you were supposed to fully conclude the discussion within the given 40 minute writing time.

The first thing you should do is to make clear of your stance. When you write something like "I fully agree with this stance by presenting several acceptable reasons", you should show us which statement you agree on, which you didn't write so unfortunately, I think you may have failed the prompt here. The phrase "several acceptable reasons" is pretty redundant because you are writing this to convince so it is not neccessary here.

I think that your essay also contains erroneous use of word formation and spelling, such as:

Due to industrial development and the uncontrolled exploitation of people, it could harmful (harmful is an adjective, not a verb) to the ecosystem and deplete natural resources, therefore, it created a large number of disasters, such as drought, global warming, air pollution.

And because this sentence is long and hard to understand so I think you can shorten it. Here is my fix:

Due to the ever-increasing pace of industrial development,fossil fuels may pose a threat to the ecosystem and subsequently resulting in future depletion. (But in all seriousness, you didn't show any relevant examples here: drought or global warming are not the consequences caused by fossil fuels here.

So, I think that you should dig deeper in the topic. It is true that fast industrial growth caused more need for energy and resources may be run out due to this. Some of the examples can be the lack of energy used for running vehicles or machines in the future (some motors cannot be operated without oil right?).

Also, if you "fully agree" with the prompt, shouldn't it be strange if you actually tried to concede the opposite argument? For example:

That is not to say that we should not use fossil fuels completely.

So in short, just write 2 paragraphs supporting your position and that's done. Don't add any unnecessary stance here.