IELTS Task - Essay about "Environmental problems... who should take care of it?"

dealing with environmental pollution

Some people think that environmental problems should be solved on a global scale while others believe it is better to deal with them nationally.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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People who think that environmental problems should be solved on a global scale are right to a great extent because global warming is an environmental hazard whose effects are faced by the entire planet and not just one nation. Nations should join hands together in this venture and take measures to stop polluting the Earth's land and waters. The rising temperatures have been witnessed all over the world and is a cause of concern that needs countries to work towards solving the issue together. People in support of global eradication of environmental issues think it's the only way to key to having a clean, green planet.

The other group of people is of the opinion that environmental concerns should be met nationally. Every country has its own set of environmental issues. One country might be faced with the problem of extremely polluted air and dying lakes and rivers, while another's main cause of concern might be rising temperatures, so their approach to dealing with their concerns would also be different.

While finding a solution on a national scale seems to be a more practical approach that makes things more possible to work out, it must be understood that environmental issue is not a problem limited to one country. There are countries who have zero carbon footprint like Bhutan, but that doesn't imply that they are free from the effects of global warming and other environmental issues. Countries suffering from severe pollution and countries having cleaner air are both faced more or less by the effects of global warming. Therefore, I am in favour of getting rid of pollution and dealing with environmental concerns on a global scale.

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@jacgomes
Welcome to the forum, dear. I hope this feedback serves you well in your IELTS. You can always come back for more if you are interested in more input on your writing!

I suggest to keep the introductory sentence smooth and concise. Bear in mind that it is critical that you have a graduated approach to writing, especially when you are introducing new terminologies and topics to your readers. The first sentence should not be lengthy - rather, it should be straightforward and clear in its delivery.

Aside from this, the second paragraph needs more grounding in reality. While there was nothing inherently wrong with your writing here, a huge cluster of the text did not have proper examples to back it up. I would recommend that you fix this through incorporating more value into your writing. Use examples that are specific to a situation, location, or context. The more that you can describe your example in detail as if it played out in the real-world, the better it is for your writing.

@Maria
Thank you for your feedback Maria. It was helpful.
I would be writing one or two more, it would be great if you could take a look.

i think in an ielts writing exam, we need to clarify our essay by a clear content: opening, body and conclusion. Abbreviation should be omitted.

Thank you :)

@Maria

Here's one more try - please to a separate thread.