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Equal Distribution; there should be same chances for both genders to get post-graduate studies


tinapakshad1 3 / 5 2  
Jul 8, 2019   #1
Title:

UNIVERSITIES SHOULD ACCEPT EQUAL NUMBERS OF MALE AND FEMALE STUDENTS IN EVERY SUBJECT



To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words

Some people believe there should be same chances for both genders to get post-graduate studies. The other group think that is an awful idea as number of boys are less than girls and with having equal-number rule, there won't be any free competition between participants.in my view there should be equal chances for both men and women to enter to universities.

Some scientists believe that we start to learn how to treat opposite sex and most of the times find our partners in universities so it is important to be equal number of both sex in the atmosphere that this education complete without any trouble. As we mention one trouble in this area we can say: If there are not enough of any of these two sex the other one will have problem in having chance to encounter or make relationships with it.

The other reason that make me think it is better to have equal number of girls and boys in universities I can say that it is not fear that many boys get lost in way of making money or there are some rules that some majors are dedicated more to boys and girls have less chance to enter. I believe we have to pass a law that claims every gender can enter in any major in equal numbers.

In conclusion, it can be said that chance of having post graduate studies should be distributed equally, As there would be chance for everyone to study whatever they like and learn how to have effective relationships with other sex or maybe find a good partner for life.

Tuanvietnam - / 2  
Jul 9, 2019   #2
I'll try my best to help you. Your essay has quite a lot mistakes, especially too much repetiitons in both words and structures. For instance:

-... there should be same chances for both genders
-there should be equal chances for ...
-As there would be chance for ...
- there are some rules that some majors
You should replace it with another words such as "opportunities" or "prospect", "occasion"

Another thing is that you should learn more about paraphrasing the sentences and try to use different kind of structures.
Ex: "Some scientist believe that" can change to "It is evident that" or "It is believed that"

You also need to write in a formal way.
-"The other reason that make me think" can change to "To my extent", "From my point of view" or "In my opinion".
- "As we mention one trouble in this area we can say:" --> This is only using for speaking sessions.

Besides, there are some incorrect grammar usage, like "... it is not fear that many" or "... in the atmosphere that this education complete ..." (I can't barely understand@@)
Maria [Contributor] - / 827 313  
Jul 10, 2019   #3
@tinapakshad1
Hello there. Welcome to the forum. I'll try my best to provide you with writing feedback.

Firstly, try to focus on building formal texts instead of relaying information blatantly. Doing so will help you create more dimension in your writing. For instance, don't say "the other group" as the tone of language can appear to be informal. Try to say that it's a contrasting ideation as this would have a more academic tone.

Furthermore, it is quite noticeable how you have lengthy sentences. Try to make concise your thoughts to create more substance in the long-run. This will also help you save space in your writing.

Best of luck as always.
ghadianysaina - / 5 2  
Jul 26, 2019   #4
I agree that you need to work on a few points for this essay

1. There are some visible grammatical mistakes
2. There is a lot of informal language used

Please write it again so we could work on it more <3
ThuanPhat 1 / 3  
Jul 26, 2019   #5
you should rewrite your essay again


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