IELTS exam; changes to the educational system; good & bad effects

The education system undergoes changes everywhere. what changes do you propose to the educational system in your country.
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Education play a crucial role in everyone's life. In bygone days, education system was very simple due to lack of proper facility. However, with the passage of time education system has completely changed with the help of advance technology. This essay will illustrate some good as well as bad changes.

First and foremost, Attitude of people has changed towards education. Nowadays, every single parents wants to provide education either rich of poor. Girls can get a similar education as compare to boys.Government providing funds for building schools and colleges for offering free education system to those children, who can not study because of lack of money.

Furthermore, one of the biggest change is involvement of advance technology. In this fast going world, students have started using computer at their 2nd standard.In every school and college, lab are filled with computers and other devices, which are used according to course requirement. Moreover, the trend of online education is becoming popular these days. There are number of courses offered online.In addition, internet playing very imperative role. Students can get knowledge of every topic by using 'Google'. This incredible use of technology in education system has made life very easy of students and teachers as well.

In contrast, due to rate race of modernism, some bad effects also introduce. Education system becoming a source of entertainment and business. Institutes have started offering more and more leaser activities. So students spend more and more time in games rather than in study. In addition to this, because of increasing demand of education system schools and colleges have started charging high amount of fees. Donation system has become very popular in most of colleges. In schools, students are forced to buy books and any electronic device from their campus.

To put it in a nutshell, education system has developed with the involvement of technology and it also enhance a life of every individual. However, institutes should concentrate more and more on study issues rather than entertainment and earning money.

you cannot put phrase which started by 'with' then irectly put 'verb' after that
the passage of time education system has completely changed with the help of advance technology


correct it


which tenses that you use?

pay more attention woth your structure and spelling, it seems easy, but it would be your big problem when you deal with the real test

I feel this sentence is incomplete, disrupting the free flow of the ideas in this paragraph.


acquire knowledge


This is a very good phrase. Many students use this as a concluding signal. However, I think you'd better try to use the formal ones. Here are some less common lexical items:

- The aforementioned evidence examines that ...
- Given this evidence, it can be seen that ...




A brief note from an IELTS trainer: Many IELTS students become obsessed with 'linkers' - words or phrases that link ideas together in a paragraph e.g. firstly, secondly, furthermore, moreover. There is nothing wrong with using linkers, and they can certainly help you to write good paragraphs. (My personal view) I am afraid that you are overusing the linkers. I think the better way is to avoid using lots of the connective words. If you think that you need to earn coherence and cohesion, pay particular attention to demonstrate cohesion.

Hope this helps :D