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IELTS Exam writting : Child should spend more time in play or school project ?


oliveoil_s 1 / 2  
Apr 29, 2013   #1
This is first time i am posting in this site and also this is the first paragraph writting practise for my IELTS Exam , Please help me to correct my errors .

The question is : Some say that children should spend more time working on school projects from an early age, others believe that young children should spend more time playing and have less stress at school. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Use examples from your experience.

Childhood is the most important part in a human being's life cycle . Most of the body building tasks and mental growth occur in this stage . If a child is given a lot of pressure beyond his will it might become a barrier in his natural growth .

In my opinion i will prefer child to spend more time in playing . Now a days most of the child's are grown alone as both of their parents have to work outside to earn livelihood. So , they become unsocialize . Outdoor games in group helps them to grow quickly and also lead him towards socialization. Playing in group grows a leadership mentally among kids. On the other hand, playing is not sufficient as a child also need to get some educational training from his early age .

Now a days , we have become more dependent in modern technology . Different school project helps a child to enrich their knowledge . They learn how to take help of the technologies when they are in a problem while working with those school projects .

Neither it is sufficient for a child to spend most of his time in playing nor studying , both has its pros ad cons .A perfect combination of those will prepare a child for his successful future.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Apr 29, 2013   #2
Most of the body building tasks and mental growth occur in this stage

... body building generally refers to development one's muscles. I guess what you mean is that physical development of a child.
Childhood is the period during which one grows both physically and mentally a lot faster than any other phase in life.

If a child is given a lot of pressure beyond his will it may become a barrier in his natural growth .

... This is a fine point. You can align it more with your prompt;
If children are given and unnecessarystudy pressure beyond their natural will, this may hamper their natural growth that may affect their future negatively.
abedkh 8 / 6 1  
Apr 29, 2013   #4
This is the first time iI am posting in this site and also this is the first paragraph writting practise for my IELTS Exam , Please help me to correct my errors .

Now a days , we have become more dependent in on modern technology . Different school project helps a children to enrich their knowledge . They learn how to take help of the technologies when they are in a problem while working with those school projects .
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Apr 29, 2013   #5
I hope it be profitablehelpful for you and I wish to get some suggestions on it...

I hope it would be helpful for you
profitable always deals with money and not with feelings or experiences.
Also, you need to open a fresh thread for your essay if you intend to receive good comments from others. You cannot post your essays in others' threads. Please re-post this essay in a fresh thread and we will provide you with comments.
malhamed 9 / 19  
Apr 30, 2013   #6
Now a days

this should be nowadays
OP oliveoil_s 1 / 2  
May 2, 2013   #7
I was not aware of these errors ... thanks to everyone !
And another question is what will be the IELTS score if i write this paragraph in an ielts writting !


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