Please help me correct and, if possible, mark my essay. I will take an exam in one's week time!!! Time is running out.
Topic: Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school.
Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
My essay:
Many educationalists are in the belief that learning a foreign language at primary school do more wonders to children than at secondary school. While there are some arguments against this statement, I totally concur with the idea.
Opponents point out some disadvantages of this policy, however there are answers to them. Learning a foreign language at primary school, as opponents suppose, would interfere with the process of learning mother-tongue as it it necessary to properly master a language before jumping to another. However, there is no scientific proof that learning a foreign language and mother-tongue at the same time would do harm to each other. It is also widely argued that children at primary school should be given more freetime to play, and including a foreign language in the curriculum would tie them down, but it worths considering that learning a foreign language should be given as much importance as learning rudimentary skills like counting or spelling, which are taught at a very early age.
Moreover, early learning language presents some undeniable advantages. Scientists have proved that the most suitable ages for approaching speech is from six to nine, which are primary school years, therefore primary students would find it much easier to acquire language than secondary students. Another advantage is that young students' mind of this age is still full of enthusiasm and not inhabited by self-consciousness, thus further facilitate the process and better the result.
For the reasons mentioned above, I strongly believe that exposure to foreign language at primary school should be encouraged as much as possible.
Many educationalists are in the belief that learning a foreign language at primary school do more wonders to children than at secondary school. While there are some arguments against this statement, I totally concur with the idea.
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Mention some perceived benefits of learning a foreign language in primary school. This will support the professional claim that educators have and also provide an overview of what discussion will be taking place within the essay.Opponents point out some disadvantages of this policy, however there are answers to them. Learning a foreign language at primary school, as opponents suppose, would interfere with the process of learning mother-tongue as it it necessary to properly master a language before jumping to another.
- You are under a time constraint. Avoid redundancies and always discuss direct to the point. Develop the reasoning of this paragraph further before opposing it in the same paragraph.Moreover, early learning language presents some undeniable advantages. Scientists have proved that the most suitable ages for approaching speech is from six to nine, which are primary school years, therefore primary students would find it much easier to acquire language than secondary students. Another advantage is that young students' mind of this age is still full of enthusiasm and not inhabited by self-consciousness, thus further facilitate the process and better the result.
- Don't forget to argue the side of the opposing faction as you did in the previous paragraph. This will bring a balance to the discussion that right now does not exist.For the reasons mentioned above, I strongly believe that exposure to foreign language at primary school should be encouraged as much as possible.
- Before you conclude, you must provide your personal point of view on the matter or at least make it clear early on in the introduction that the reasons contained within will be solely your personal opinion and will not contain any other opinion.Vincent, there is time to polish this essay but you will need to calm down, relax, and put your trust in yourself when it comes to the practice tests. You need to concentrate and not let the fear of taking the test overwhelm you. I can sense that you are a bit panicky at the moment. That will not help you when the test time comes. I suggest that you try to relax a day or two before the test. Don't practice up to the last minute. You will burn out before you even take the test.
Hi!
I would like to give a feedback about overall essay. Firstly, you should learn to write more academically. Most of your sentences are more appropriate for speaking, not writing. Try to use more passive voices and linking words. Secondly, word order should be improved by you. In many cases, you wrote in a improper word order and as a result those sentences are not reader-friendly.
Hope it helps:)
eddies [Contributor]
25 / 1170 Many educationalists are in the belief that learning a foreign language at primary school do more wonders to children than at secondary school. While there are some arguments against this statement, I totally concur with the idea.
This intro is well-done. However, you need to redo the two blue sentences. I see many students put these sentences in the end of the intro, as it can be categorized as memorized language. As to prevent being memorized ones which may get your score down, you are to enlarge why those attract your attention.
For the reasons mentioned above, I strongly believe that exposure to foreign language at primary school should be encouraged as much as possible.
Also, this concluding statement is too simple. Recalling the aforementioned facts and thesis is a must here. Then, give some suggestion prior to ending your paragraph.
Thank you you all for the invaluable help. I am trying to write as simple as possible, like Simon Corcoran's style as the exam is quite short of time, but I find it really to write not only simple but also efficient. Another problems of mine is how to write academically, I mean the academic style with collocations. Can you suggest me some ways of making my essay more academically?
Vincent, academic writing is based on a totally different premise from opinion papers. In academic writing, you need to cite sources of information and give factual data in support of the claims that you are making. Writing academically means developing an outline and discussing your essay by topic. It is also more than a page or 2 pages long. I believe that in order to write an academically acceptable essay, you need to write at least 5 pages, double spaced, using peer reviewed or academic journals for sources in the in-text citation portion. You need to do actual research in order to write academic essays. Academic essays are not mere opinion papers. These are informative research papers that hope to add valuable new insight or information regarding a specific topic.
You will also need to familiarize yourself with the academic essay writing formats. The most common formats are MLA and APA. Chicago, Turabian, and Harvard essay styles are some of the more advanced writing and research methods for essays and research papers. You can look up these particular styles on the internet for free if you want to practice writing in a more academic setting for essays.
Remember that all essays, regardless of formatting have something in common. All of these essays will be based on a given prompt or set of guide questions. Whenever appropriate, the professor or teacher will also ask you to present your personal opinion on the topic. That is normally placed at the end of the essay. Aside from these specific requirements, academic writing is not so different from regular essay writing :-)
Vincent, I suggest you to learn more "formal" words. You can define them with the help of Cambridge Dictionaries. For example, instead of writing "get satisfied" you can write "derive a sense of satisfaction" which sounds more "academic" and formal.
Try to read a wide range of sample essays. In addition, I suggest you to go to the webpage of Economist Journal, where you can find a huge number of articles that are written in very formal and natural ways.
Hope it helps:)
Thanks very much Abdusarul, that's exactly what I need, I have been looking for a list of collocations like your example "get satified" -> "DERIVE a SENSE of SATISFACTION". Can you share with me some sources that provide a list of collocation like that, I have used Oxford Dictionary but there is not many collocations in it, My exam day is coming so near. I really need a collocation list to swot up on. I would be very grateful if you could you help me!!!!
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Sure:) I will do my best to help you:)) Because, my exam is also very soon and I understand you:) Mainly, I look for collocations on ielts-simon webpage. Secondly, you have to read a lot of essays for band score 9. If you want I can share them with you!) Finally, I have got many collocations from english books(not fiction, but research). You can find such books very easily with the help of Google.
Feel free to ask more questions;)
I have also read some band 9 essays of simon recently. But as I dont have the opportunity to keep up with his blog regularly so I haven't learned many of his collocation list yet. I wonder if you make a list of these collocations and if possible could you share it with me. I would be very grateful
hail everyone! This essay, in fact, impressed me,because idea of your was given very clearly and sparkly in terms of structure,words and grammar. But unfortunately, there are several feedbacks, not be deal,just several. First your grammar is normal but not rewarding by means of structure. It is simple grammar,you can exercise infinitive continuous or infinitive perfect continuous and something like that. Second you should exercise a formal and academic words. I think that is all. If i miss someting else, it is my compunction.