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The FAMILY. As a beginner, I need your help so much. More importantly, my examination is coming



thanhlac98 1 / -  
Jun 23, 2016   #1
It can be said that family is the most significant factor in life. There are several reasons can account for my opinion. Most importantly, family has a great influence on shaping our personality. Someone said that family is where life begins and love never ends. Indeed, family teaches you not only love, affection, care and truthfulness but also behaviors, habits, discipline that might prepare your future. Secondly, family always accepts for what you are, and so that you feel comfortable and free even when you're at home. That is because, family is always behind you, support you when you are surrounded with troubles and helps you overcome harsh time. You see, they always love you unconditionally. The last reason is that family is the biggest motivation of us. They not only gives us support and useful advice but also make us strive for the best. For example, parents work hard to earn lots of money, so that they provides their kids with a better life. Generally, family is very necessary for each and every individual and we had better give importance to our families above anything else.

Wolf Larsen - / 109  
Jun 23, 2016   #2
Hello thanhlac98

Overall, your text is nicely written, but a few things could be improved. The suggested adjustments (mostly stylistic) are as follows:

It can [...] is commonly assumed that one's family if the most important thing in his or her life.
reasons [...] as to why it happened to be the case.
that might [...] are expected to prepare a young person for adulthood.
Secondly [...] Moreover...
accepts [...]you for...
you feel [...] at ease while socializing with your close relatives.
That is because [...] The reason for this is that...
behind you [...] providing you with much-needed support through the difficult times.
You see [...] This could not be otherwise - parents love their children unconditionally.
The last reason [...] Finally, while remaining in close touch with their family members, people feel motivated to act in the socially appropriate manner.
They not only [...] Our relatives are there to inspire us to apply an active effort in trying to accomplish things in life.
lots of [...] no need for this .
so that they [...] their children may have a better chance to attain social prominence.
Generally [...] Overall...
and we[...] will be much better off recognizing the importance of the family-related matters.

I hope it helped. Regards.


Home / Writing Feedback / The FAMILY. As a beginner, I need your help so much. More importantly, my examination is coming
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