Unanswered [14] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Young generations may be more aware on issues related to the environment and starvation


nguyentoan1999 1 / 1  
Sep 15, 2017   #1
"Young people are much more aware of and concerned about issues like the environment, poverty, and animal welfare than previous generations. What is your own opinion?"

the knowledge about problems in the world



Despite the world being modernized on a day-to-day basis, problems such as the environment, underdevelopment and animal welfare have also aroused public concern. This has led to the question whether or not the youth are aware of these issues. I personally do agree that young generations are well-informed about such problems thanks to advancement in technology and better education system.

To begin with, improvement in technology plays a vital role in supporting a child to get access to information more easily than their former generations. As new studies about environmental problems or articles about poverty and animal protection are posted on the internet everyday, youngsters can keep themselves updated by using computers or smartphones, which their parents could not do years ago. Therefore, there is no doubt that the young are claimed to be more aware about global issues than adults.

Furthermore, modern education system contributes to instruct children to know more about the environment, how to help the poor and how to treat animals. Textbooks are being re-edited yearly to add new information with the aim to educate adolescents, especially Sciences. Teachers, in addition, are changing their teaching method to inform students more effectively. Young people can be more concerned to such problems by going to school since it is believed to be a more reliable source than anywhere else.

Some people hold the opinion that young generation who are disinterested about global issues declare that they only care about fashion and newly released video games. However, it should be noted that most fashion shows now use environmental-friendly material to remind everyone to save the environment. There are also a great number of games that include moral lessons to educate young players to protect animals or help unfortunate people. Hence, not all youngsters take no notice of hot topics just because they spend more time on their hobbies.

In conclusion, with the help of technology and education, young generations may be more aware and concerned about issues related to the environment and starvation these days than their parents or grandparents. There is also a huge need in providing them with more reliable sources to get information about these problems so that they can know about what is happening around the world.

That is my whole writing of the topic. I appreciate your time giving me feedback. Thank you!

Holt - / 7,528 2001  
Sep 15, 2017   #2
Toan, do not over complicate the paraphrasing in your opening paragraph. You are relating information that is not included in the original prompt and, if you are not careful, could cause you to change the prompt discussion into one that does not reflect the original prompt instructions. The simplest way of paraphrasing this topic is something similar to what I am presenting below:

A comparison of the current generation's interest in social issues such as the environment, animal rights, poverty, and other concerns with the older generation has been discussed recently. It is believed that the new generation has come out as much more aware and concerned regarding the aforementioned issues. My opinion is that the younger generation does have a keen interest in these topics when compared to the past generations. The reasons why I believe this will be discussed in this essay.

Your line of reasoning is sound. However, you should not have presented the second point of view in this essay. You see, any essay that asks you to discuss your point of view alone means that you should spend the 3 body paragraphs defending your point of view alone. No other information is required. Presenting 2 points of view causes a prompt deviation that changes the parameters of discussion from the original requirements. You could fail the test when you do that because you should a lack of English comprehension skills. Just make sure to use the first person pronouns throughout the essay in order to remind the reader that you are presenting your point of view alone and nothing more.

This could have been a pretty good essay if you had stuck to the prompt requirements. Try to do that with your upcoming essays. The minute to properly paraphrase and discuss the essay in the manner expected, you will be a shoo-in to pass the test.
OP nguyentoan1999 1 / 1  
Sep 15, 2017   #3
Thank you so much! I'll try to fix my mistakes in the next topics


Home / Writing Feedback / Young generations may be more aware on issues related to the environment and starvation